Rose Stems Watercolor

Today I'd like to feature a watercolor I have for sale on Etsy. 15"x22" in size, this painting is half an entire sheet of Arches watercolor paper.

"Rose Stems" -

Here are some details of the painting:

This painting was done in 2012 and features an extreme closeup of the stems, leaves, and the bottoms of pink rose petals of a few flowers in a rose bouquet. I chose to focus on the stems and leaves rather than the typical flower viewpoint to showcase parts of the plant that are often overlooked because they aren't as "beautiful." I wanted to show that there is still beauty in the lines and arcs of the stems and leaves, even though we often neglect to notice.

As with most of my artwork, this painting was created by looking at a source photograph I took of a rose bouquet. I played up the contrast by darkening the shadows so that it seems as if the roses are stepping out of the darkness and into the light. Several times larger in size than a real rose would be, the scale of the painting also adds to the drama.

This is for sale through my Etsy store.

Poems and Song Lyrics

As a kid/pre-teen, I fancied myself a songwriter. I've always liked to sing (even if I'm not naturally great at it), and I've always liked to write, so it seemed obvious to merge the two. I wrote little songs and then went out in the backyard and sat on a swing and sang them. I sang them for myself. I didn't share them with anyone else - except occasionally my best friend (who has legitimate singing talent). A lot of the songs were written on separate pieces of paper, or torn out of journals and then rewritten in again at a later date, but I tried my best to recreate them and put them in a general order.

These are all from middle school and early high school. Some are just me being silly, and some are just being overly dramatic/maudlin, because I was a teenage girl trying to be emo and a songwriter, but others exactly pinpointed how I felt. Some of them even still ring true today.

What I think Heaven Will Be Like

Streets of red carpet lead me to his throne of gold

So many dreams on this silver lining that never get old

My eyes are blinded by his presence

So light, so bright, beautiful essence

Long white robes, with silver sashes

No one smokes here, no trays of ashes

Lavender flowers in my hair

Some people aren’t here – not fair!

But they got a chance

God gave them a gift

If they chose to ignore it

They won’t be lift (ed)

No psychics, freaks, or fortune tellers

No spirits, enemies, or soul sellers

Just the believers

Heaven

Untitled

I’ve been busy

Getting dizzy

All wound up

In the things of this world

I should be telling the Word

‘Til evil’s heard

But I’m bad

So make me a better girl

Change my body

Save my soul

Cleanse my mind

Get on a roll

Fix my life

Help my heart

Lend a hand

And do my part

Attitude adjustment

New testament

Lord, forgive me

I repent

I am free

Breathe

Back up

Break up

What’re you trying to do?

Smother me?

Leave me

Let me breathe

Inhale

Exhale

But you’re in my face

Like a plastic bag

You need a warning label

Keep out of reach from children

This product can cause suffocation

Handle with care

I need a breath of fresh air

For crying out loud

Let me loose

Cut off the leash

Let me go

Let me breathe

You

I’m only human

But I try

To do my best

I’m trusting You

To do the rest

Help me, please

For I am a mere mortal

And You are God

Today Ain’t Like Yesterday

Today ain’t like yesterday at all

Days creep by like school in the fall

The universe’s too big

And we are too small

Today ain’t like yesterday

Today ain’t like yesterday at all

Yesterday the day was full of fun

Yesterday we flew towards the sun

But today is cold and full of dread

And there’s a storm cloud in my head

So today ain’t like yesterday

Vision

A dream will die

No lie

If you don’t feed it

A dream will go

You know

If you don’t need it

Without vision

People perish

Day doesn’t dawn anew

Without vision

People perish

Smoke, flame, ash, too

A Lonely Song

All I ever say is “au revoir”

Sitting here strumming my guitar

All I ever say is “so long”

Singing a song

A lonely song

Mortal

I’m not supposed to feel

I’m not supposed to care

So why am I worrying?

I should be above this stuff

This human emotion

I’m better than this

I can’t possibly have

Stooped down so low

As to love you

Look what you’ve done to me

You’ve changed who I am

You took an uncaring person

And made me mortal

Maybe One Day

Maybe one day I’ll be a star

Maybe one day I’ll play guitar

Maybe one day I’ll go far

Maybe one day I’ll be who you are

But for now I guess I’m stuck being me

Maybe one day that’ll make me happy

Maybe one day I’ll be proud of myself

Maybe one day I’ll like the cards I’ve been dealt

But for now I guess I’m here

Sitting here, hoping that

Maybe that one day is near

From the Outside, Looking In

You’re on the outside, looking in

I’m on the inside, looking out

I don’t know how you perceive me

Can you tell me what this is about?

I can only see myself when I gaze in my mirror

While you can see me from a new perspective

You’re father away, maybe, not as near

But you can see me still, so tell me – I’m no detective

I may see myself one way

But does that show in what I say

How do you see me?

Tell me!

I don’t know what shows

From the outside, looking in…

A Stupid Mistake I’ll Make

Cosine theta times sine two beta is something I can take

But on the last line: two times nine – a stupid mistake I’ll make

A gourmet lunch, a buffet brunch is something I can bake

But I hate to boast, ‘cuz with toast – a stupid mistake I’ll make

Why? Oh why? I cry! I try!

I do my best, but on the rest

I’ll always make a stupid mistake

Instead of a smoothie I’ll make a shake

Instead of a pond I’ll call it a lake

Instead of asleep I’ll stay awake

Instead of a diamond I’ll buy a fake

Instead of a shovel I’ll grab a rake

Instead of the gas I’ll use the brake

Instead of some cookies I’ll make a cake

Instead of Jack I’ll call him Jake

A stupid mistake I’ll make

Purple Phone

I got a purple phone

And it sits all alone

On my table

Hey don’t get up to leave

C’mon you gotta believe

This ain’t a fable

Yeah, it’s true

I dyed it red and blue

And now it’s purple

Oh, oh, it’s purple

I got your number here

But I just can’t dial it

With my phone sitting there

Looking so violet

It’s screaming to me

“It’s not meant to be!

Don’t call Uncle Urple

‘Cuz I’m perfectly PURPLE!”

Try So Hard

Why do I try so hard?

Why do I care so much?

Why do I want this so bad?

When do I know when enough is enough?

This seed I planted years ago

Has decided to start to grow

But it’s taking over every part of me

I can’t have fun without feeling guilty

And this once-happy goal

Is taking over my soul

I’m at a crossroads here

After all these years

I’m sick of beating myself with my fist

I’m tired of being a perfectionist

I try too hard

I care too much

I want this too bad

Enough is enough

Raindrops

These are raindrops

Falling on my face

What do you mean it ain’t raining?

There’s rain all over the place

Can’t you see those dark clouds

Up high in the sky?

‘Cuz it ain’t me. I ain’t gunna cry.

These are God’s tears –

Not mine

So stop asking me how I am

I’m fine

Don’t tell me I’m a basketcase

These are just raindrops

Falling on my face

Momentary

Who I am now, who I am today

Might be different tomorrow

‘Cause each new day brings

New hope and new sorrow

Why can’t I just stop time

And claim this moment as mine?

My life speeds by so fast

The future becomes the past

It’s too quick to make any sense

Can’t I just seize life’s little moments

I don’t want to grow up

I don’t care what people say

I’m happy right now

So can’t I stay this way?

Bittersweet

I feel so elated

No longer second-rated

This is the highest I’ve ever been

But while I’m this high

I could fall from the sky

‘Cause what goes up

Must come down again

Take this moment of clarity

And add my harsh reality

Change a paradise to a parody

Even the best of times

Are bittersweet

Childhood Journal Excerpts - Ages 12-15

Today I'll be sharing some of the words I wrote during the fraught ages of 12 to 15.

-

01/08/01 (age 12)

I wish: I could meet NSYNC in person, I were skinnier, [a specific boy] would like me, I had bigger boobs, I had more wishes.

This is what makes me sad: Lots

This is what makes me angry: my brother

These things make me nervous: TESTS, performances/concerts, everything

This is what I do when I am moody: listen to music

This is what makes me jealous: friends, brother

These things scare me the most: tornadoes, fire

Things that I would NOT change about myself: I dunno… My blonde-ness?

Things that I can change about myself: Nothing! I’m hopeless!

 I just got a free plane ticket to my dream place. Where am I going: Hawaii and Paris, France.

 What different jobs would I like to try? Author/illustrator, interior designer, teacher, cartoonist, artist?, singer, actress

[This was a journal that had questions to fill out at the front. The above were my answers.]

02/10/01

We drove to St. Joe’s Mercy Hospital – the same place I was born in, just to rule out appendicitis for sure. We went to the pediatric urgent care, where about a million and five doctors and nurses talked to me. Finally, the main doctor came in. “Andrea, I’m pretty sure you have appendicitis, except that you’re hungry." (My stomach kept growling) ... I would’ve been scared out of my mind, besides the fact that they had given me fast-working calming medicine. (OK, I admit it, I was scared out of my wits, until I was in the waiting-to-go-into-surgery-room. Then I wasn’t so scared. I think God calmed me. By the time they gave me the medication, I really didn’t need it.)

05/09/01

Today I captured the [floppy] disk [two of my female friends] traded back and forth and [another friend] and I looked at it. Now we know the feeling is mutual. We both think the others are bitches, so why do we act like best friends in fifth and sixth hours? I guess “birds of a bitchy feather flock together,” huh?

[Yeah. That's right. We traded notes on FLOPPY DISKS to each other in middle school. Because we were awesome.]

01/21/02 (age 13)

I’ve been busy. But I should be busy for the Lord, not too busy to worship Him or read His Word. 

12/14/02

6 days until I’m 14! Yayful! High School rox! Ninth grade iz DA BOMB! Still no period. I currently don’t like anyone. I am SCARED about finals… they start one month from today!!! I have contacts. I want a perm. I’m like 130 pounds and I am SO HUGE. I hate my looks.

01/01/03 (age 14)

New Year’s Resolutions for 2003: 

1) “Whatever is good, noble, pure, think about such things.” – God can see your thoughts. Would he like them? 

2) “Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7 – Don’t worry! Guys like you. But would you be allowed to date them anyway? No. Chill. Your period’s going to come. (Why do you want it so bad?) Do your best… God will do the rest. You’re not going to fail finals, get into a bad college, etc. 

3) Don’t be so hard on yourself. You are not: stupid, fat, ugly, a failure, bad. Everybody doesn’t hate you. God loves you – so why can’t you love yourself? 

4) Remember – do onto others as you would like done onto you. This includes: your brother, your friends, your enemies. Try to like people you don’t currently like. 

5) Get a job. 

6) Exercise. 

7) WITNESS to others. 

They say you should pick one and stick to it, but life’s an ongoing process, right? 

I will never, ever, ever partake in drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, pre-marital sex, and parties at which the above are being partook in by others. I will save my body for my future husband. I will keep my mind and body pure. I will try to act as Jesus would.

05/27/03

I’m mad at [my friend] ‘cause she says she’s too stressed out about her whole parents-getting-divorced-ordeal-thing that she’s QUITTING softball. But then, I can’t be mad at her, ya know? I need to be sympathetic and supportive, but I don’t know how to do that?! Wah! What can I do? What should I do? And meanwhile, I have homework, and finals, and softball, and my dad’s job/our family’s money problems to worry about! Not like it is my problem, but she’s my BFF, so it kinda is my problem, ya know? I’m just confused.

10/05/03

Even though I’m spending sophomore year eating lunch with my Pre-Calc book instead of my friends, they won’t forget me. On Wednesday, we had a half day, so we all went to [a friend]’s house and hung out. My friends won’t forget about me just because they don’t see me in school anymore. I was silly to worry. In fact, minus my scary math teacher and a lonely 40 minutes with me and my lunch bag, this year might not be so terrible after all. If only I could take gym in the summer…

01/04/04 (age 15)

Is it over yet?

Stress stress stress keep there not cool go away

So much to do

I don’t want to do it

No!

Am I ugly?

Am I too shy?

Why does no one like me?

How can I become more outgoing?

How can I be better at making new friends?

Too bad they don’t teach that stuff in a class…

03/04

I’m not perfect. I’ll never be perfect. But try telling my brain that. I’ve been told all my years that I’m capable; I can be anything I want to be. So I have to be everything I can be. That’s what I’m capable of. Anything less is disappointment. I don’t want to disappoint anyone. Then I would fail. And that proves I’m not perfect or I’m below what I’m capable of. And I’m on this high road from a young age and all the adults do is compliment you and so I’m on this high road and the only thing I can do is go down. And fail. But I’m scared to fail. Then I’m not perfect. Impossible. And I can’t get a boyfriend because 1.) I’m too shy and 2.) I don’t have time for one. I’m too shy because I’m scared of saying something that would make me seem imperfect. Again, I fail. It’s just better to keep my mouth shut. I don’t have time because I’m too busy overachieving – that’s what I’m capable of, so I have to do it. Oh yeah, and 3.) Nobody likes me. But I attribute the whole no-asking-out thing to my shyness again. Because I’ve been told my whole life that I am beautiful, that people would die for my hair thickness and color, and that I’m pretty. I believe it. And whenever I have a zit or my hair looks bad, or my eyes are red, or my face looks tired, again, I fail. I’m a failing fool. Just failing. Over and over.

06/20/04

Wow. Time flies, doesn’t it? I can remember turning 10 and thinking it was a huge deal to turn a double digit. I never thought I’d be 13 – it was too far off. Then I became a teenager, blah blah blah. Now I’m learning to drive. DRIVE. A thing, a monumental thing, landmark thing in a person’s life, right up there with first boyfriend (still waiting), being able to vote, going to college, etc. No wonder I was nervous that first day of driving. It’s not like I crashed or almost did, but I still thought my driving skills were less-than-adequate. The perfectionist in me was upset. I cried. Right there in front of [the driving instructor] and my brother and the other driver. Me, who shows no emotion in public! AARGH! 

I’m a JUNIOR! Time flies… I can remember starting high school like it was yesterday. The excitement. The nerves. OMG. There’s three of them. High schools. They are SO BIG. I’m in HIGH SCHOOL! I’m all grown up! Ha. Now I’m already halfway through high school! Is the glass half empty or half full? Sometimes, most of the time, I think OMG, when is the future going to come already? But then there’s times like these when you think OMG, I’m not ready. I’m 15, and I think I’m cool, and I’m ready for the future, and college, and a job. But I’m NOT! I’m pathetic! It’s a crisis if my fave TV show collides with my part time job. I can’t get a boyfriend. And I’m sitting here rambling when I should be asleep. I don’t know. I’m confused again. What was I talking about? Time flying, I suppose. Well, it does. I should get over it. Time’s not just going to stop or slow down because I’m not ready.

07/04

I wish my life were a remote control. Things going too fast? Slow-motion, or even pause. Take a 24 hour nap, then resume play. Or rewind to do a day or two over and fix your mistakes. Fast-forward if [a teacher] is lecturing again. What? Second hour’s over already? Wanna scream? Volume up. Don’t wanna be heard? Mute. Change your appearance? Move up a channel, go back to previous. Wanna be someone else? Record their life for a day. Zoom in. But if you look fat, go back to standard. Just never hit that big red power button. Don’t end your life! You can stop for a time to collect your thoughts or unwind. But never say power off. It probably won’t turn on again.

11/04

It’s a bittersweet moment knowing that this is as good as it’s gunna get. It’ll all come down soon. I’m glad, so glad, for all the fun I’ve had but also I’m sad, so sad, because there’s only one more week and then Our Town is over. Can’t we suspend this moment? Can’t I relive this life over and over again? I don’t want life to continue. Can’t it just stop for a moment? Can’t I just breathe? Can’t I keep doing this and having fun before reality comes back to stay? I wanna suspend this moment in time…

[I had a bit part in the high school production of Our Town. Drama club always swept me off my feet and gave me a bit of escape for awhile.]

-

Alright, that's enough journal sharing. These are most interesting to me, I'm sure, and perhaps mildly interesting to people who know me. But what are perfect strangers going to read this stuff for?

I did write a lot of little poems/song lyrics in my journals too, and I intend to post those tomorrow. But after that I'm done. Honest.

If I could go back in time, I would tell my middle school/high school self to:

1. Relax.

2. (As I said in yesterday's post:) Stop acting like I was anxious/worried about stuff just because I thought I was supposed to; because that's what teenagers did. Pretending to be concerned about my weight or my looks or grades or anything else just turned into REAL worries, and I think if I had only worried when I was legitimately worried anyway instead of talking myself *into* being worried about things, I might have been a bit happier.

3. Stop caring about what other people think, or trying to act like other people do in an effort to "fit in." I didn't do as much of this as a lot of my classmates probably did - mainly because I was too shy to do much - but I certainly did it in my head, where I'd be so worried about fitting in and I what I wasn't doing to facilitate that that I'd get myself all worked up.

4. Think about Christianity and God more critically. I did this at the end of high school anyway (see this previous post), but I certainly could have done it even earlier if I'd been willing to have an open mind.

An Unfortunate Incident at the Gym

My husband and I recently joined a local gym, in an attempt to actually be healthier and not woefully out of shape, but it's been hard to find time now that he's back to work. Lately, we've found time only on weekends, but even if we do manage to go during the week, it's almost always at night, once we've finished whatever else we have to get done that day. (If it's this hard with just us and a puppy, I can imagine how people with actual children ever have time to go to the gym!)

So this past Saturday, we went around 9 pm. It's a great time to go, because it's not very crowded. My husband was using the lap pool to swim, and I was soaking in the hot tub, being lazy and not actually working out, because my neck has been sore on and off the past few days (probably thanks to my TMJ), and I just wanted to relax my jaw/neck/shoulder muscles.

And then this happened -

-

[INT. Pool room at gym. GUY enters hot tub and sits near but not super close to ANDREA. GUY is maybe in his 30s. ANDREA is not wearing her glasses and can't really see him (or anything else). They sit without talking for a few minutes.]

GUY: Hot tubs are great, right? Best part of the workout.

ANDREA: Mmm.

GUY: Relaxing?

ANDREA: Yup.

[It is hard to hear, because the hot tub jets are LOUD. GUY persists in attempting conversation.]

GUY: So how are you doing tonight?

ANDREA: Fine.

GUY: So you work out earlier, or...?

ANDREA: Nah, I just came for this.

GUY: Oh yeah, I do that after soccer sometimes. I play a lot of soccer. I'll come here to relax after, use the hot tub and the sauna.

[ANDREA is trying to be polite, but also clearly doesn't actually want to talk to him.]

ANDREA: Mmm.

GUY: You got any other plans tonight?

[It is already 9:30 pm. ANDREA wonders what kind of people actually still have other plans after going to the gym at 9:30, even if it is a Saturday.]

GUY: Or this weekend?

ANDREA: Not really.

GUY: Not going out and hitting the bars?

ANDREA: Nah.

GUY: You don't drink?

ANDREA: Not much, no.

GUY: Don't smoke either, I bet. [Laughs.] Not that anyone smokes anymore.

ANDREA: Right.

GUY: So you don't hang out in bars? What do you do for fun? What's your hobby?

[ANDREA tries to think of most mundane, boring thing she does as a hobby, something that will get GUY to stop talking to her.]

ANDREA: [Shrugs.] I read.

GUY: Reading, okay, yeah. I read, too. I read a lot of books about soccer. And books about nutrition. But not fake nutrition. Real nutrition. What do you read? Fiction? Non-fiction?

ANDREA: Mostly fiction.

GUY: Yeah. Reading's so great. It's a great workout for your brain. I like to rest my brain, you know, relax.

[ANDREA wonders why GUY is mansplaining her own hobby to her. GUY goes on for a bit on vague benefits of reading, for no reason ANDREA can see other than to fill the silence he is uncomfortable with. GUY is just talking to talk.]

GUY: You're not very social, are you?

ANDREA: [Shrugs non-commitally, gives weak chuckle.] Heh.

[ANDREA notes silently that this is usually the time when someone would lose interest and/or pick up on the social clues she's been dropping like flies and stop bothering her. Especially since the hot tub jets are so LOUD and conversation is difficult to maintain. But GUY is persistent, and chooses to ignore her short answers and tone of general disinterest.]

GUY: I'm Jake.

ANDREA: [Reluctantly] Andrea.

GUY: Oh really? I have a cousin named Andrea. She spells it with an I. A-N-D-R-I-A. That's how they spell it in Europe. I bet you spell yours with an E.

[ANDREA marvels at the fact that GUY is actually mansplaining her own name to her now.]

ANDREA: Yup.

GUY: So, Andrea, I'd like to take you out sometime. We could go to Barnes and Noble, read a book. [Chuckles.] Or I'll take you to a bar, show you a good time.

ANDREA: I'm actually married.

GUY: Really? Where's your ring?

ANDREA: [A little annoyed that he doesn't just believe her when she says she's married/a little annoyed that he feels he is entitled to proof of her marriage.] I don't wear it in the hot tub.

GUY: Why not? Afraid you might lose it?

ANDREA: ...Yes.

GUY: Are you happily married?

ANDREA: [Now getting more than just a little annoyed.] Yes.

GUY: Are you sure? You don't seem happy.

ANDREA: [Now very annoyed. Wonders why GUY thinks he is an expert on ANDREA's feelings, after talking to her for five minutes. Still, she is a GOOD GIRL, and so tries to be polite.] I'm just tired right now.

GUY: Oh yeah, me too. I put in so many hours working. I'm a soccer trainer, I'm always working and playing soccer. Did I mention I am fit and play soccer? Are you sure I can't take you to a bar, loosen you up a little? You don't have your phone with you? I can't give you my number?

[It is still LOUD with the hot tub jets, and difficult for ANDREA to hear GUY, but it sounds like GUY really is still trying to ask her out. It is AWKWARD and more than a little BEWILDERING.]

ANDREA: No.

GUY: Are you sure? You don't look like you're sure.

-

Finally, finally, he left me alone. In retrospect, I wish I had been ruder to him. I wish I had given him the emphatic "NO, ASSHOLE, I DON'T WANT TO GO OUT WITH YOU, PLEASE GO AWAY SO I CAN ENJOY MY HOT TUB TIME" that he clearly needed to hear to get the hint. I wish I had been "more feminist", and expressed incredulity at his mansplaining and obvious sense of entitlement to not just receive answers to whatever question he wanted to ask, but also to receive the answers he wanted to hear. I wish that I had just gotten up out of the hot tub and left, and walked to the lap pool and gotten in and talked to my husband, and let GUY wonder/worry that I was talking about him.

Instead, I sat there. I let him keep talking to me. I actually answered his questions - shortly but also truthfully. I didn't have to give that guy the truth. I didn't have to answer him at all. I did, because I cared what he thought of me, or what others around the hot tub might think of me, if I were to act obviously rude. I did not want to be the one to cause a scene (never mind that the guy didn't care about doing that at all).

I do not often get hit on. In fact, I think this is the first time since I married my husband four years ago. Since I write and make my art from home, I don't often leave the house by myself. Usually I am with him. If I am alone in public, I always have my wedding ring on - unless I'm at the gym.

More importantly though, I give off that unsocial vibe GUY mentioned. I don't engage in conversation with strangers. When someone I don't know starts talking to me, I immediately put up my guards and give short, annoying answers. Even before I was married, even when I was in college, I was hit on maybe twice. In my entire life. People might try to start a conversation, but they give up pretty quick. They don't typically get around to the actual asking.

So in a way, it was kind of nice to be hit on at the gym. Not because it was flattering. Because it gave me a reminder of how awkward those situations are firsthand. A lot of times, it's hard to relate to feminist accounts on Twitter or Instagram or wherever, when they're complaining about catcalls and being hit on and trying to find non-misogynists to date in the real world. Those things don't typically happen to me. So it was nice to be reminded of why it's important to keep fighting the good fight.

And about the idea of why "hitting on someone" isn't flattering - because I feel I have to explain myself more - as women, we are brought up to think that it's supposed to be flattering. Especially for someone like me, who doesn't get that kind of thing a lot, and doesn't try to get that thing a lot, to be singled out and chatted up anyway, even when I'm not trying, is supposed to make me feel good about myself. Because above all, women are supposed to want to be desired. Men are supposed to want you, and women are supposed to want to be you. So it should "feel good" when a guy comes along and reminds you that there are guys who want you, right?

But it doesn't feel good. It feels awkward. I didn't ask for his attention, but he gave it to me anyway, and I was supposed to be flattered. He never once actually gave me a compliment - never once said I was beautiful, or that I must be smart because I liked to read so much, or anything at all.

The only thing he called me was "unsocial" which - I mean, honestly? That's not a nice thing to say. I don't like when it's pointed out to me that I'm being "too quiet" or "too shy" or "too anti-social". I already know I'm acting that way, I'm already upset about it, and I'm already worried that people think I'm being rude when I'm not intending to be (or, in this case, upset that I wasn't comfortable being ruder, and getting him to leave me alone). Telling me I'm anti-social isn't nice. It makes me feel more uncomfortable, and that was a situation in which I was already uncomfortable. I was in a gym (a place I don't know well), in a bathing suit (which like, I'm not terribly insecure about my body, but I'm certainly not used to going around in a bathing suit in public), without my glasses (which means I was blind and couldn't see any of his facial expressions or facial cues at all, or even the clock with the giant-ass numbers on the wall to know how long he'd been annoying me), and in an environment in which it was often difficult to hear what he was saying.

The whole thing was designed not to flatter me, but to make me uncomfortable. But Andrea, you might say, he didn't know you were blind without your glasses. He didn't know how infrequently you get chatted up by strangers, and how awkward that makes you feel. He was just trying to be nice.

But wouldn't a nice guy take the hint, and stop pursuing a conversation I obviously didn't like? Wouldn't a nice guy believe me when I said I was married, when I said I was happily married, and leave me alone at that point? Would a nice guy be so eager to "corrupt" a marriage, to encourage an affair, to take an unsocial innocent and get her "loosened up" at the bar?

I reiterate - the whole thing was designed to make me uncomfortable. So uncomfortable in fact, that I might "give in" to what he wanted, just because it was easier. I was supposed to be desperate, because I was alone in a public hot tub on a Saturday night with clearly nothing better to do.

I wasn't the fiery bitch I later decided I should've been, once I had more time to digest his words and the way he said them. But neither was I the desperate girl he was looking for.

I am not saying that guys shouldn't hit on girls (or girls shouldn't hit on guys). But there's a time and a place for it. And if one party is giving off "go away" vibes, stop it. And ESPECIALLY if someone says the word no, STOP IT. "No" does not mean "yes." "No" does not mean "convince me." No means no, even if it's said by a meek, awkward, near-sighted girl, in a way that doesn't seem entirely believable to you.

If she can manage to say "no" she can manage to say "yes." She chose not to for a reason.

Dramatic Sky

This 11"x15" watercolor is a loosely painted, high-contrast depiction of a stormy sky.

"Dramatic Sky" 11"x15" Watercolor Painting on Paper
Andrea Arbit

Purchase "Dramatic Sky" through my Etsy shop!

The color palette is dark blues and greens, offset by moments of light yellow-green and the white paper.

"Dramatic Sky" Watercolor - Detail

I think it almost looks like a Rorschach inkblot, with its nearly symmetrical composition, but maybe you find something different in these dark, stormy clouds.

Like other 11"x15" artworks I recently put up on Etsy (and blogged about here), this painting is also only $99. It was painted for my Watercolor II studio class in 2008.