I love the holiday season. I love the songs, the decorations, the baking, the gift buying, the gift wrapping, the gift receiving, the family togetherness - all of it. I've always loved it. I was born on December 20 and was brought home from the hospital on Christmas Eve. My parents brought me inside in my car carrier and put me right underneath the Christmas tree in the living room - their little Christmas present. I don't remember that, of course, but I like to imagine that it was a formative experience because I was enthralled by the twinkling lights and the love in the room.
Growing up, my parents were always careful to separate my birthday from Christmas so that my birthday wouldn't be overshadowed by the mammoth holiday. I got a birthday party separate from any Christmas parties planned, I got separate birthday and Christmas gifts. It was like a week of celebration - my birthday merging with all the holiday parties at school and the holiday traditions with my family. I absolutely loved it. I liked to pretend everyone was hanging up lights to celebrate my birthday with me.
This is still my favorite time of year - made even more celebratory since meeting my husband. His birthday is coincidentally the same day as mine (though a year earlier). And his family is Jewish, so he grew up celebrating Hanukkah. So now we get to share traditions for Hanukkah and Christmas, and stretch the holiday season out even longer.
I never thought much about Christian privilege growing up (why would I? I was Christian), but since stepping away from Christian beliefs and meeting my husband, I've become keenly aware of it.
For example - he teaches at a public high school here in Michigan, and a couple years ago expressed his feelings about the office's holiday display. There was a menorah to represent Hanukkah, a kinara to represent Kwanzaa, and even some written notices about cultural traditions of other religions, including some words about Islam, posted with sensitivity toward the sizable Muslim population at the school. But the majority of the display was a nativity scene for Christmas - and it was precisely this part of the display that bothered my husband. Hanukkah is not a particularly important holiday to the Jewish religion, and the menorah is just a candle holder, which is not in itself a particularly religious symbol. In fact, there is no Hanukkah equivalent to the Christian manager display that has a comparable "level of religiousness." Christmas is widely celebrated in the U.S. among Christians and non-Christians alike, and has many symbols associated with it that are less religious - wreaths, Christmas trees, poinsettias, Santa Claus, reindeer. And yet, the school chose the most religious aspect of Christmas and paired it with the practically secular menorah, kinara, and flyers.
It could be argued that it's not Christianity's fault that Hanukkah has no symbol that is particularly religious (although, let's be honest - if Jews have ever "toned down" their religious symbols to make them more generic and acceptable looking, it was because of persecution and genocide and diaspora, and Christianity is to blame for most of the instances of Jewish persecution, genocide, and diaspora throughout history). But even if Christianity had no influence on Judaism and how Hanukkah is celebrated, the office administrators that put together the display could have chosen more secular Christmas symbols. Including a nativity scene complete with angels and a baby Jesus and a praying Mary and Joseph was a clear choice, and one they could have opted not to make in an effort of religious sensitivity.
True, this was a display in the office, not in the lobby or the front lawn of the school; it's main purpose was probably similar to a worker decorating his or her cubicle with the items of their religion. Such displays are permitted (and should be) within our Constitution. But the display was also facing out, rather than in, and was clearly meant to be seen and appreciated by anyone coming through the office - administrators, teachers, students, and parents. The flyers that were printed up included a suggestion that visitors should "tell us about your religious beliefs!" - presumably so that the office employees could update the display if it was found lacking, for the benefit of everyone. It was hard to tell whether it was just an office employee decorating her workspace, or a decoration for the school, and thus seemingly endorsed by it. The school lobby, by the way, has the words "In God We Trust" engraved on the wall in big letters - so it wouldn't be out of the realm of possibility that the school might sponsor a display of religion.
A lot of schools - and other public buildings - do just that. City halls and police stations have giant life-size nativity scenes on their lawns, same as churches. It is precisely these displays of church on buildings that function for the state that upsets my husband - because we are supposed to have a separation of church and state in this country, yet instead often seem to have a state-sponsored religion (Christianity).
So my husband expressed his concerns on Facebook (probably not the best place to do so, in retrospect), and the result was that a bunch of other teachers and students and administrators jumped down his throat. Some cited the amount of time the office employees spent trying to make a nice display that was open to everyone's holidays (as if effort and good intentions were sufficient excuse). The flyers in particular were lauded as proof that the secretaries were trying to be as inclusive as possible. And yet, it is the flyers that (to me) most point out the Christian privilege on display. The secretaries had a nativity scene ready to go (whether it was the schools or was brought in from one of their homes is not really the point) - and they placed this nativity scene literally right next to a sign pointing out the secretaries' ignorance of "other" religions. If Christianity were not America's default religion, the secretaries wouldn't have to ask what other religious traditions there were this time of year, because they would already know those other traditions instead. Growing up Christian in America means that you can be ignorant of other traditions - because your traditions are the ones catered to. It might seem nice and tolerant and inclusive to ask other people to contribute their own religious beliefs to your display, but it also puts the onus on them to come forward and explain them to you - and after you've pointed out that their religion is "other," is "unknown," which really puts them on the spot.
As the only Jewish teacher in the school, my husband is often asked questions by his students when they're taking a Humanities class and learning about religions or when they're reading a book about the Holocaust in an English class. Sure, it's nice of them to "think of him," but it also requires of him to represent an entire religion/ethnicity. Black people are similarly asked to speak "on behalf of" all black people, or women to speak "on behalf of" all women. Like all black people or all women or all Jews are the same, and have the same opinions. My husband isn't even religiously Jewish anymore (like me, he has stepped away from the belief system he grew up in), and yet Humanities students come to him to ask about Judaism.
(On a similar note, the one black teacher at his school is often asked for help with discipline issues for black students - whether or not she actually knows the students personally. It is assumed that because she is black and the troublemaking kid is black, she will know what to do with them. It's absurd.)
But back to the office holiday display - the amount of backlash my husband received for airing his grievances was enormous. Some of his colleagues stopped talking to him. He felt ostracized. Yeah, he probably could have gone about it better - like talking to the office secretaries instead of posting something on Facebook. But it's like none of them even listened to what he was trying to say. They didn't bother to consider his viewpoint because they felt so personally victimized. (Never mind that seeing a nativity scene in his workplace kind of made him feel personally victimized in the first place, which is why he took to Facebook to complain.)
It's like the outrage over Starbucks' red cups this year. There is no "war on Christmas," guys. The fact that some people ASSUMED their favorite coffee chain would have decorations on its cups for the religious season that they personally celebrate in fact proves just the opposite. It was perfectly within the realm of possibility that there would be Christmas imagery; it was something those people were expecting, because their religion is so ubiquitous that they have seen their Christmas imagery depicted on the paper products of this and other companies before. This year, for whatever reason, their religion was not specifically pandered to (or not pandered to enough - because, let's face it, red is still a Christmas color, and other winter holidays from other religions do not use red as their symbolic color). Next year, perhaps Christianity will be pandered to again (or more obviously). But the chances of a different religion being pandered to are basically nil. It's Christianity or secularism in this country, and often a mix of the two. It is never any other religion. And even if it were secularism all the time (as, I would argue, it should be, given the wording of our Constitution), that would still not mean that Christianity was being "warred" upon. It would just mean that it was not specifically allowed to tout its privilege, or maybe even that (gasp!) some of its privileges were being taken away.
For true equality to be reached, some groups are going to have to lose their privilege. Losing privilege is NOT discrimination, though - the two are completely different. Losing privilege is like expecting you'll win the lottery, but then you don't actually win after all, and so you do not receive the money you were counting on. Discrimination is like having money that is rightfully yours taken away from you, because somebody else decided it shouldn't be rightfully yours, or that they deserved your money more than you do, or simply because they wanted to be a bully or demonstrate their power or strength or cunning and they didn't care who they might hurt in the process.
Yeah, losing privilege can suck; not winning money you expected to win, that you perhaps needed to win (to continue the lifestyle you were accustomed to) is a major bummer. But it's not a personal attack, it's just an inconvenience - and it's only considered an "inconvenience" because it's something you were accustomed to that you are no longer receiving, not because it is actually necessary or prudent or even good for you.
It's hard to see your own privilege; this is true for any privileged group. But make no mistake - Christians (especially those belonging to a mainstream Protestant denomination) do currently have privilege in this country. This post is getting long enough, so I'll include my List of Christian Privilege in tomorrow's blog post. It will be a fitting list to consider on Christmas Eve.
As for me and the holidays - I think I'll always love this time of year. It's just too engrained in me to give up, and if it's something that makes me happy, why should I give it up anyway? I enjoy the Christmas season more or less as I always have - with family, with friends. I bake cookies, I wrap presents, I put up a Christmas tree. But I have sloughed off many of the more religious parts of Christmas over the years since I've stepped away from my Christian beliefs, as I once sloughed off believing in Santa Claus, or waking my parents up at six in the morning to run downstairs and open gifts. I do still like the religious music, and sing along when I hear one I particularly love. But it's the sentiment I'm attached to, not the specific words, or the specific message.
Even when I was a devout Christian, I didn't go around rubbing Christmas in other people's faces, though. (At least, I tried not to.) I was encouraged by some at my church to make a point of saying "Merry Christmas" - especially if a store employee wished me "Happy Holidays" when I was checking out with my Christmas purchases - but I don't remember too many times when I actually did that. Probably mainly because very few store employees wished me a "Happy Holidays" - they all just said "Merry Christmas" anyway, and so I had nothing to complain about. I had friends who did not celebrate Christmas because they subscribed to a different religion; it was more second nature to tell people at school "Happy Holidays" - or even simply, "Enjoy break!" or "I'll see you NEXT YEAR!" when it was time for the two weeks off school.
There are ways to celebrate your own religion, your holidays, your traditions without making other people feel bad for not having the same traditions as you do. Don't assume other people are celebrating what you're celebrating. It's not hard if you actually try. The real reason some Christians act as though everyone is celebrating Christmas is because they think everyone should be.
I imagine a particularly obtuse Christian might say: "But I do want others to feel bad for not being Christian, because I want them to become Christian! I want us all to belong in one big Christian group together because I want us all to hear the truth, and believe in Jesus and go to Heaven! It's a noble cause, my alienation and discrimination and exertion of Christian privilege! And it's not like religion is gender or race - you can choose what religion you subscribe to, you can choose what to believe in! Anyone can - and should become Christian. It's not like I'm saying that I'm better than non-Christians naturally or biologically or indefinitely. I want equality, I want everyone to have the same privileges I have! How is that a bad thing??"
To which I would reply: We have freedom of choice in this country. As long as it does not infringe on other people's pursuits of happiness, we have the freedom to our own pursuit of happiness. Let other people make their own choices and celebrate what they want to celebrate - their celebrations in no way involve you or infringe upon your own celebrations. Your celebrations, on the other hand, do often infringe on other people's celebrations, because your celebrations have the power, have the privilege in this country. Do you really want someone to become a Christian just to belong - or do you want them to come because they want to be there and came willingly, without coercion? And wouldn't it make "the choice" to be Christian, to believe in Jesus, less significant if literally everyone made the same choice? How much of a choice would it be if it were mandatory, or nearly so?
Get off your fucking high horse and recognize that other people believe just as ardently in the tenants of their religion as you do in yours. They believe they are right; you believe you are right - and there is literally NO WAY to prove which one of you (if either of you) are right - at least no way to prove that on this planet, in this life. Why can't you enjoy your time with your family, and enjoy your holiday celebrations in the privacy of your home (as Jews and Muslims and Hindus, etc. do with their holidays)? Isn't that what the holiday is about anyway - the family traditions? You do yours, and let other people do theirs. They've been doing just that for generations in this country; why don't you repay the favor and give them the same courtesy?
