The last few entries have been pretty long. I keep going off on tangents - feminism, my adolescence, etc. I mean, they're not really tangents, I guess, in that they are a part of me and end up influencing my work. But they are topics other than what I intended to write about when I sat down to write the entry. So I will try to be briefer in these next several entries, as I finish up talking about my honors thesis paintings. I will try to keep my message more focused. :)
The next two paintings I created for my thesis were Bandaged Duality and Ace Bandage Field.
(Purchase Bandaged Duality in my Etsy shop!)
I used a similar composition for this painting as I did for Silk Caution, which I talked about yesterday. But in this painting, instead of pairing a hesitant rose with a spiral of silk, I paired a rose covered in Band-Aids (the plastic, disposable kind) next to a spiral of Ace Bandage cloth (the stretchy reusable material used to wrap larger injuries, like pulled muscles and sprained ankles). Together, the two circles evoke breasts.
As I note in the written part of my thesis, the rose looks relatively healthy - it is sort of the bluish-yellow color of a bruise, and it has a series of small Band-Aids taped onto it in "X" patterns, but the petals are still intact, and the rose is whole. "It will clearly be able to make a full physical recovery, despite any residual damage." About the Band-Aids I added: "The “X”s the Band-Aids create are a way to say “do not enter” without including caution tape, or they simply “mark the spot” of the rose’s injuries.
(Purchase Ace Bandage Field in my Etsy shop!)
Ace Bandage Field steps away from the rather symmetrical two-circles composition in favor of a triangle of circular forms - a rose and two Ace Bandages wrapped up into spirals. The triangle is, like the rose, another symbol for female genitalia used throughout history (Judy Chicago used a long triangle-shaped table for her famous, feminist "Dinner Party" installation), but that wasn't the only reason I changed the composition up a bit. As an artist, I didn't want to (or wasn't supposed to want to) do the same thing over and over. And as a student, I was discouraged not to. (Keep in mind that I painted all of these watercolors for a studio art class. They were critiqued by my instructor and other watercolor students in the class, and I received grades on them.)
Besides the largest two Ace Bandages, there are others in the background. None of these bandages are doing anything to protect the flower. They aren't being actively used; they are simply sitting next to the rose. The rose itself is "slightly malformed and pale in color, but doesn't have any visible bruises or wounds." Are we supposed to believe something has damaged the flower, and that the Ace Bandages will be used to help the flower heal? Maybe the rose has internal damage - the kind of damage flimsy bandages can't treat. Maybe the rose isn't actually hurt at all, and is just pretending. Maybe the rose has been thrown into this pile of Ace Bandages, where it nearly blends in, because it is hardly different from an Ace Bandage itself. Maybe a rose, maybe female sexuality, is something that can be worn to heal its user from other physical or emotional or mental or spiritual injuries, maybe an orgasm is a salve women can use to repair or strength or protect themselves in whatever way they may feel they need repair, strength, or protection.
If you've been following this blog chronologically, you know by now the struggles I've dealt with myself, in trying to reclaim confidence in many different areas of my life. (If you haven't and want to get a sense of what I mean, I suggest you go back and read the last few entries.) For me, sexual confidence and sexual pleasure is something I've had to work on. But just because it's something I'm trying to change doesn't mean that it can't also help me in other areas of my life in return. It's amazing how everything is so interconnected. If I feel good about myself in other ways - like if I feel like I've had a productive day writing or painting or drawing - then I am also more likely to feel good about myself sexually (that is, I am more likely to want to have sex, or I am more likely to be able to achieve orgasm). And if I feel good about myself sexually, that also makes me feel more confident in general, which leads to be having more productive, great days with my artwork and writing.
By the way, it feels very, very strange to write about my personal sex drive or reaching orgasm on such a public forum like this. If I were talking in person instead of typing to a computer screen, I would never say any of this stuff. That doesn't mean I wouldn't want to say it - just that I would chicken out from doing so. I hope it's worth it, this putting myself out there. If reading about and thinking about me wanting to have sex (or not wanting to have sex, as the case often is, haha) makes you uncomfortable, just know that you're not alone. I'm uncomfortable too. But I wouldn't do this if I didn't think it was important - for me, mainly, but maybe for others too, if there are others who find this and understand, others who read this and relate.
Don't forget to check out my Etsy shop for these paintings and others in this thesis series!
The next two paintings I created for my thesis were Bandaged Duality and Ace Bandage Field.
(Purchase Bandaged Duality in my Etsy shop!)
 |
| "Bandaged Duality" by Andrea Arbit - Watercolor on paper, 22"x30" |
I used a similar composition for this painting as I did for Silk Caution, which I talked about yesterday. But in this painting, instead of pairing a hesitant rose with a spiral of silk, I paired a rose covered in Band-Aids (the plastic, disposable kind) next to a spiral of Ace Bandage cloth (the stretchy reusable material used to wrap larger injuries, like pulled muscles and sprained ankles). Together, the two circles evoke breasts.
As I note in the written part of my thesis, the rose looks relatively healthy - it is sort of the bluish-yellow color of a bruise, and it has a series of small Band-Aids taped onto it in "X" patterns, but the petals are still intact, and the rose is whole. "It will clearly be able to make a full physical recovery, despite any residual damage." About the Band-Aids I added: "The “X”s the Band-Aids create are a way to say “do not enter” without including caution tape, or they simply “mark the spot” of the rose’s injuries.
(Purchase Ace Bandage Field in my Etsy shop!)
 |
| "Ace Bandage Field" by Andrea Arbit - Watercolor on paper, 22"x30" |
Ace Bandage Field steps away from the rather symmetrical two-circles composition in favor of a triangle of circular forms - a rose and two Ace Bandages wrapped up into spirals. The triangle is, like the rose, another symbol for female genitalia used throughout history (Judy Chicago used a long triangle-shaped table for her famous, feminist "Dinner Party" installation), but that wasn't the only reason I changed the composition up a bit. As an artist, I didn't want to (or wasn't supposed to want to) do the same thing over and over. And as a student, I was discouraged not to. (Keep in mind that I painted all of these watercolors for a studio art class. They were critiqued by my instructor and other watercolor students in the class, and I received grades on them.)
Besides the largest two Ace Bandages, there are others in the background. None of these bandages are doing anything to protect the flower. They aren't being actively used; they are simply sitting next to the rose. The rose itself is "slightly malformed and pale in color, but doesn't have any visible bruises or wounds." Are we supposed to believe something has damaged the flower, and that the Ace Bandages will be used to help the flower heal? Maybe the rose has internal damage - the kind of damage flimsy bandages can't treat. Maybe the rose isn't actually hurt at all, and is just pretending. Maybe the rose has been thrown into this pile of Ace Bandages, where it nearly blends in, because it is hardly different from an Ace Bandage itself. Maybe a rose, maybe female sexuality, is something that can be worn to heal its user from other physical or emotional or mental or spiritual injuries, maybe an orgasm is a salve women can use to repair or strength or protect themselves in whatever way they may feel they need repair, strength, or protection.
If you've been following this blog chronologically, you know by now the struggles I've dealt with myself, in trying to reclaim confidence in many different areas of my life. (If you haven't and want to get a sense of what I mean, I suggest you go back and read the last few entries.) For me, sexual confidence and sexual pleasure is something I've had to work on. But just because it's something I'm trying to change doesn't mean that it can't also help me in other areas of my life in return. It's amazing how everything is so interconnected. If I feel good about myself in other ways - like if I feel like I've had a productive day writing or painting or drawing - then I am also more likely to feel good about myself sexually (that is, I am more likely to want to have sex, or I am more likely to be able to achieve orgasm). And if I feel good about myself sexually, that also makes me feel more confident in general, which leads to be having more productive, great days with my artwork and writing.
By the way, it feels very, very strange to write about my personal sex drive or reaching orgasm on such a public forum like this. If I were talking in person instead of typing to a computer screen, I would never say any of this stuff. That doesn't mean I wouldn't want to say it - just that I would chicken out from doing so. I hope it's worth it, this putting myself out there. If reading about and thinking about me wanting to have sex (or not wanting to have sex, as the case often is, haha) makes you uncomfortable, just know that you're not alone. I'm uncomfortable too. But I wouldn't do this if I didn't think it was important - for me, mainly, but maybe for others too, if there are others who find this and understand, others who read this and relate.
Don't forget to check out my Etsy shop for these paintings and others in this thesis series!
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