Dear Fellow Liberal White Women

Dear Fellow Liberal White Women:

By now you've probably heard the statistic. 53% of white women voted for Donald Trump on Tuesday, while only 43% of white women voted for Hillary Clinton.

This statistic has been the catalyst for articles like this one from the Huffington Post, which accuses white women of not caring enough about sexism, about their friends of color, about the LGBTQ community, and other marginalized groups that Trump has bullied, belittled, unsettled, and threatened during his contentious campaign run. These articles attempt to shame white women. The message is clear: this tragedy is your fault. You should know better. You should do more.

What is less clear is the intended audience. Is the article talking about the white women who voted Trump? They would seem to be the most directly culpable - and yet, they're hardly the ones who are going on Huffington Post the day after the election, heartbroken and searching in desperation for answers as to how Hillary lost. So is the article actually talking to liberal white women? Liberal white women who perhaps knew conservative white women, but didn't "do enough" to convince them not to vote for Trump, or not to vote third party?

Why is the article talking to women at all?

As if women - the victims of the patriarchy - are the worst offenders. As if because they witness sexism, they should "know better." (Isn't that called victim blaming? If you were talking to a rape survivor, would you ask why she let herself be raped? No. You wouldn't.)

This article is hardly alone in casting blame unilaterally, in failing to understand what is actually happening. Even before election day, it was rampant. In an email chain going around my husband's liberal, Jewish family, a relative wrote, "Remember: a woman voting Republican is like a chicken voting for Colonel Sanders."

To us liberals, it is obvious 1) that sexism exists, 2) that sexism is a bad thing that needs to be eradicated, and 3) that the Republican party only perpetuates sexism. But those are not givens. Conservative women do not see those statements as fundamental truths. They do not understand that voting Republican is contributing to their own oppression. And blaming them, or trying to shame them into understanding that is not a tactic that is going to work.

Those white women who voted Republican? I know them. They are my family members, my Facebook friends, my ancestors, my neighbors. Hell, I was once one of those women. It was the environment I grew up in. And if I hadn't had some liberal high school teachers, if I hadn't gone to college, if I hadn't taken Women's and Gender Studies classes - it's likely I would still be one of them.

I know those white women. And I'm telling you - they are not monsters. They are not stupid. They are not mean-spirited or vindictive, and they did not vote for Trump because they don't care about other women, or people of color, or disabled people, or members of the LGBTQ community. Even the ones who were most enthusiastic about Trump did not love everything about his rhetoric. They made excuses for his poor language choices, his misbehaviors, his bullying - rebranding them as antics, as "speaking his mind" - because they liked him for other reasons.

They are not monsters. They are victims. They are victims of the patriarchy, same as us. There is no "perfect" victim. Some recognize sexism and do everything in their power to try to fix it. Others recognize sexism but don't prioritize fighting it. Still others don't even recognize sexism at all. They don't know they're victims. That doesn't mean they aren't victims - just that they don't know they are.

These white women who voted for Trump live in suburbs, in rural areas, where everyone smiles at each other instead of leering. They've never seen an obvious example of sexism in their everyday lives, because they are privileged in other ways (by their skin color, their religion, their country of birth, the language they speak, their sexual orientation). They have always (or mostly) felt personally valued by the men and other women in their lives; they've always felt respected and loved. Their oppression is familiar, a comfort, and they do not recognize it for what it is.

They recognize that there are differences between the genders - both innate and learned - but they don't see this as oppression. They easily fit into the criteria our society has developed for womanhood, and so it is not of their concern for them to be kept in that box. They like the challenge of juggling double standards. They don't even realize they're juggling them.

They like pleasing people. They like taking care of the men in their lives. They are peacekeepers within their families. They do what is expected of them because it is easier that way, or because they like knowing that they are doing all they can to keep their families running smoothly. They like knowing what they are supposed to do. There are traditional gender roles, and as long as they follow them, their lives are pleasant, tolerable.

When they are catcalled at the grocery store, they take it as a compliment. Because they have been taught to take it as a compliment. Because they have been taught that men are allowed to "act like men."

They rationalize and make excuses when Trump (or anyone else) brags about sexual assault, describes women in vulgar terms, or indicates that women are put on Earth for the sole purpose of men's desires - whether that be for her to let him have sex with her, or for her to make him a sandwich - because that is what they do everyday of their lives. They have seen their husbands, their fathers, their brothers, their sons, their friends act the same way and say the same things. They believe (they hope) that their men don't mean anything by it - that it's just silly, that it's fine, that it's the way things always have been and the way they always will be.

They would never dream of working outside the home - because they don't need to, because they don't want to, because they firmly believe that they are not supposed to.

They feel the double-bind of working outside the home and childcare. They feel guilty if they spend too much time at home with their children - they wonder if they should be at work, modeling for the next generation that a woman can do both, that a mother can have a wider range of influence than just the tiny sphere of her home. They feel guilty if they spend too much time at work - they wonder if they should be home, taking care of their children and doing housework, as their mothers and mother's mothers and mother's mother's mothers did. They want to "have it all" and they want to prove that they can "have it all." They think, "All these other women do it. Why can't I? It must be something wrong with me. Me - not the system, or the unfair double standards, but me as an individual. I am the one who is failing."

They don't like to be called a Feminist, because men don't like women who are Feminists. They don't like the idea of rocking the boat. They would rather be the one who smooths hurt feelings, rather than the cause of it.

When they see oppression, they deflect it. They think: "That wasn't what I thought it was." They think: "I was wrong." They think: "This isn't systematic oppression. It's just a one-time thing." They think: "Maybe that woman deserved it." They think: "Maybe I deserve it."

They are Christian, and they believe it when men tell them that the Christian God once decreed that women are inferior to men. They believe that the best thing they can be is someone's daughter, someone's wife, someone's mother. They define themselves - gladly, willingly - as belonging to someone else. They don't feel qualified to stand alone, to be independent. They don't have high enough self-esteem to believe that they have value outside of their interpersonal relationships.

The world has favored men for so long that they assume this is simply the way things are. Men wouldn't be the heads of religion, the heads of government, the heads of households if it weren't supposed to be that way. Life is just harder for women. It's okay. It's what God intended. They think, "God gave me this cross to bear, this cross of being female. And it is up to me to be strong enough to bear it." They tuck their feelings inside, until their feelings disappear.

They have been objectified and condemned and violated. They have been beaten and emotionally abused and sexually assaulted and raped. But they don't want to think about it. It happened a long time ago. It doesn't matter anymore. Best to forget about it.

They blame themselves for tragedies that have happened to them. When their husbands beat them or yell at them or control their money or threaten to leave them or threaten to separate them from their children, or use any number of psychological and emotional and physical abuse tactics, these women wonder, "What did I do wrong? What did I do to provoke him?"

They don't want to act like a victim. They don't want to be upset with their lot; they don't want to cry, they don't want to be angry. They've witnessed sexism everyday of their life, but choose not to acknowledge it, because it is easier to bury their heads in the sand. They have a series of defense mechanisms - defense mechanisms they aren't even aware that they use - to keep them from understanding that women are still second-class citizens, to keep them from understanding why Feminism is important.

Their husbands, their pastors, their Fox News anchors tell them to vote Republican. These women hear that "women's issues" are special interests. They are told that there are more serious issues at stake - issues like immigration, or the economy. Issues that effect everyone. Issues that effect men. Issues that effect Christians. Issues that "matter."

They are tired. They've never fought for their own freedoms before, but it looks exhausting. They've tried fighting before, and it got them nowhere. They see the writing on the wall. They think change is impossible, improbable. They see other things that are easier to change, easier to fight for - and so they focus on those other issues that they care about, the ones they have come to believe are more important to focus on.

They have other things in their lives, other priorities. Being a woman is only a small part of who they are. They have jobs that consume their time, or children that consume their energy. They consider other things when deciding who to vote for. They know they can handle sexism. They've been surviving sexism since they were born; they can do it for another 100 years. It's all they've ever known.

They still live with their parents. They live with their husbands. They live with their children. They live in a nursing home. They are intimidated. They are scared. They have different opinions than their families. They keep quiet.

They worried what a Hillary presidency would do to men. They worried that it would make their fathers, their husbands, their coworkers more intolerable. They worried at the personal backlash that they might witness, or be victims of, in their work spaces or in their homes. They didn't want to have to see the men in their lives suffer under a female president. They've been living under male presidents their entire lives, but they know that men's egos are more fragile. They are frightened of the die-hard Trump supporters, of what they might do if Hillary is elected. They think Trump might actually be the safer choice, because Trump would keep America closer to the status-quo.

They are new mothers, exhausted from late night feedings. They watch Nick Jr. all day, not the news. The information that reaches them is filtered, distilled, distorted - if it reaches them at all. They trust their husbands, their parents, their pastors, who seem to make good points, who seem to know what they are talking about. They adopt the convictions of others because it takes less energy than to figure out what the issues are and how they feel about them.

They are elderly women, more afraid of what will happen now than what will happen in the future, a future they won't live to see. They've seen Republicans and Democrats come and go. They think, "Is one decade really so different than the next?" They have the wisdom of their years. They know that their day-to-day won't change much from one president to the next. They've seen the country survive wars; they know that we can survive anything.

They were sick of an election cycle that lasted two years. They were sick of the arguments on their Facebook feed. They cannot stand conflict. They try their best to smooth it over. They shut politics out of their world because it makes them ill, because they have already enough stress in their lives, because it only brings them heartache, because they don't have time for it, because they are told that their vote doesn't matter anyway.

They have never had enough confidence in themselves to trust their own opinions. They have never been nurtured and given the chance to form their own opinions. When they raise their hands in class or try to speak up at work, they are ignored in favor of their male counterparts. They think, "I must be stupid." They think, "Women must be stupid." They think, "What do I know about politics anyway?" They think, "What do women know about politics anyway?"

They are enthusiastic about Trump.

They are reluctant about Trump, but voted for him anyway.

I understand that some of these are contradictory assertions. But "white women who voted for Trump" is not a homogenous group any more than "white women who voted for Hillary" is. In fact, I have felt many of the above things myself, cycling through them throughout the day - using whatever thought patterns or behaviors are necessary to deal with the Sexism of the Moment, to calm my cognitive dissonance enough so that I can survive my day.

White women who voted for Trump, white women who voted for Hillary, white women who voted for third party candidates, white women who didn't vote at all - we are all the same in that we are all victims. We just cope with it differently.

I wanted Hillary Clinton to be the next president. I was excited at the idea of my future children looking at photos of presidents in their history textbooks (or, let's be honest, a Wikipedia article), and seeing, after a long line of old white men, a black president and then a female president. I was looking forward to telling them, "I voted for both of those presidents. My generation was the one who gave America Barack and Hillary back-to-back." I did not vote for Hillary solely because of her gender - but make no mistake that representation matters. I was looking forward to being represented by a fellow woman.

Tuesday night and Wednesday morning were heartbreaking. Maybe it's always this heartbreaking when the candidate you really wanted to win does not win - I don't know. This is my third presidential election, and the first one where the person I voted for lost. I have a feeling, however, that this is a particularly heartbreaking election to lose. Because it wasn't just one candidate against another candidate - but two very different sets of ideas. And the man who I saw as representing sexism, racism, homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia, and ableism was the man my country chose to elect as our next president.

It hurt. Of course it hurt. I cried Tuesday night, and I cried again Wednesday morning. I check my blood sugar every morning because I have high fasting glucose, and Wednesday it was higher than I'd ever seen before - 151. I immediately looked up on my phone if stress can effect blood sugar. It can.

But I wasn't just crying or stressed because the president I wanted to win did not win, or because I was afraid of what President Trump might do - to women, to minorities, to immigrants, to LGBTQ individuals, to natives, to everyone - though of course both of those worries did factor in. One of my greatest reasons for crying, however, was mourning. Mourning what could have been and mourning what is.

Hillary Clinton would have worked tirelessly for everyone. She knows that all women are victims of the patriarchy, even those who do not recognize their status, or those who try to ignore it, or those who (willingly or unwillingly) participate in perpetuating their own oppression. She would have bolstered the status of all women - even those who fought her tooth and nail, even those who did not want her help, even those who did not see what she was fighting for as "help" at all.

But that is not what we got. I knew several of those white women who were voting for Trump, and yet I still allowed myself to believe that we would not end up with Trump as our president-elect. I believed (naively) that enough women had come to recognize their oppression, vowed to fight it, and prioritized that fight above the other concerns in their life. I was wrong.

It deeply saddens me how many women willingly participate in their own demise. I don't like the joke my husband's relative said ("Remember: a woman voting Republican is like a chicken voting for Colonel Sanders") - not because it isn't true, but because of its flippant tone. It's not funny that Republican women believe in their second-class status. It's heartbreaking.

I know a lot of liberal women (especially women of color, for whom the symptoms of oppression are so much more obvious that it is hard to fathom how anyone could be blissfully unaware of them) are angry at the white women who voted for Trump. It is easier to be angry at people than it is to be angry at the system. But it is not their fault.

Not all victims are capable of recognizing and fighting their own oppression. The women who are blind to the reality of the world? The system made them that way. The women who follow all the patriarchal rules? The system made them that way, too.

Sexism works very hard at keeping women from recognizing their oppression, and at denying them access to the resources that would help them fight it. It has to. Women exist in equal (or slightly higher) numbers than men; sexism would not have endured for so long if it was not successful in those goals. Of course women perpetuate their own oppression. They were raised to.

I am not trying to make excuses, or say that people who voted for Trump (or who voted third party) should not be held accountable in some way. I don't know what that way is, but I can't think going around blaming demographics is going to do any good. You're not going to convince the white women who voted for Trump that they did something bad. You're probably not even going to convince them to label themselves Feminists. For many, to become Feminist would be to give up the one thing that has made their oppression, their lives bearable. Christianity, God, gives them hope and strength when times are shitty. How are they supposed to understand that it is also part of what contributes to their lives' shittiness?

Shaming women, telling them that they are supposed to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, regardless of the cost done to the personal lives, is not only unhelpful - but also anti-liberal. Lumping everyone together into demographics without considering their personal stories is counterproductive and insensitive both. It is not a very good way of getting more people enthused about politics - on the contrary, it will make these people angrier and less interested. They will disengage even more, they will deflect further into the oppressive Republican camp.

We need to come together, not pull each other apart.

L'Art Erotique - Broadcasting Schedule

As I've mentioned before, last May I was flown to Denver to interview with Eureka Productions, a company based in Montreal, Canada, for their upcoming TV series "Erotic Art," which will show on ARTV. They talked to me about my thesis paintings, which feature flowers that were restrained, pierced, and mutilated as metaphors for female sexual oppression, assault, and female genitalia and sexuality in general. (Search the "thesis" tag on this blog to read more about my thesis specifically, or read the thesis online for free at: http://commons.emich.edu/honors/238/)

Well, now is the time for the TV show to air! I'm not sure which episode my specific interview will be a part of, but here is the list of episodes that will be airing, for those who may live in the Montreal area and are interested in checking it out. The first episode airs tonight (January 6th).

If I find out where my interview is online, I will post that here as well, but for now watching live on ARTV is the only option. Here is a description of the episodes, as sent to me by Eureka Productions in an email: (French first, with English to follow.)

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Encore un grand merci pour votre participation et votre implication dans notre projet de série documentaire intitulé l'Art érotique.

Grâce à votre généreuse collaboration, nous avons réussi à rassembler des artistes inspirants issus de disciplines variées, autour d’un même sujet : l’érotisme et la sensualité dans l’art.  L’équipe d’Eurêka! Productions est heureuse de vous présenter le résultat de ses rencontres à travers le monde, dès le mois de janvier 2016.

Voici les horaires de la télédiffusion sur la chaine canadienne ICI ARTV :

 1/ Ode à la beauté, mercredi 6 janvier 2016 à 21h - Les modulations du corps dans l'art : réinvention des perceptions de l'érotisme

 2/ Éros et Thanatos, mercredi 13 janvier 2016 à 21h - L'érotisme entre vie et mort, le corps dans une frontière trouble.

 3/ Jeux Jouissifs, mercredi 20 janvier 2016 à 21h - L'érotisme quand il n'est pas pris au sérieux, place au plaisir.

 4/ Éros au futur, mercredi 27 janvier 2016 à 21h - Entre machines et robots, voyage de l'érotisme et des corps à travers le temps 

 5/ Désirs secrets, mercredi 3 février 2016 à 21h - Pèlerinage dans les confins du désir et de l'interdit, l'érotisme caché sous la symbolique.

Suite à la diffusion télé de l’épisode dans lequel vous apparaissez, Eurêka Productions vous fera parvenir un DVD de celui-ci. Au plaisir de vous revoir à travers vos nouvelles œuvres !

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Thank you once again for being part of the documentary series and its web project "l'Art érotique" ("The Erotic Art"). Your collaboration made it possible for us to be proud of the good quality work we did.

Now, the time has come to present you the good result of Eurêka! Productions’s work.  By going on ICI ARTV, Canadian Channel, on January 2016, you'll be able to watch the collaboration of our work in the five episode of the series.

Here is the TV broadcasting schedule on ICI ARTV :

 1/  Ode to Beauty, Wednesday January 6^th 2016 at 9 p.m. - The body's curve, eroticism and sexuality as creative sparks.

 2/ Eros and Thanatos, Wednesday January 13^th 2016 at 9 p.m - The dangerous line between death and living: erotic tension between two bodies.

 3/ Game and Pleasure, Wednesday January 20^th 2016 at 9 p.m - This episode will explore the playful side of erotic art.

 4/ Eros and the Future, Wednesday January 27^th 2016 at 9 p.m - Eroticism through machines and robots.

 5/ Secret Desires, Wednesday February 3^rd 2016 at 9 p.m - A journey through the hidden erotic uses of everyday objects.

Following the television broadcast of the episode in which you appear, Eurêka! Productions will send you a DVD of it. Hope to see you through your new works!

Feminist Fiction

I recently read a fantastic feminist novel called Dietland by Sarai Walker.

But perhaps it seemed particularly fantastic because I feel like I've read so few feminist novels at all. Philosophy texts and essays and memoirs and other nonfiction, sure - I took a couple Women's and Gender Studies courses in college, after all - but feminist fiction is so hard to find! And I love me a good novel.

In her author's note at the end of Dietland, Walker commented that she was inspired by feminist novels of the 1970s/80s (the second wave feminist movement). This immediately caused two questions to spring up in my mind -

1) What are these feminist novels of the 1970s/80s? I would like names please, so I can find them and read them!

And

2) Have there been feminist novels since the 1970s/80s? Where are the contemporary feminist novels??

Basically, I just want all the feminist novels. Gimme gimme gimme.

And if I don't know where to find these books (when I read 70-90 books a year), there must be others also struggling. So I decided I wanted to start a list, which I would come back through and update as I discovered more books to include. The list is pretty short now, but I will be adding to it periodically. Hopefully it'll grow into a much more comprehensive list!

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Note 1: Checkmarks indicate which ones I have personally read. Mild SPOILERS may be in some of the descriptions.

Note 2: I am using an "umbrella" definition of feminism which includes all aspects of intersectional feminism, including discussions of racism, classism, ableism, homophobia, transphobia, etc. I am looking for books that make a CLEAR point about the importance of equality, either by setting up a utopian/dystopian world that comments on socio-cultural issues, or by following a character through an "awakening." Books that simply "have a strong female lead" (i.e. a woman who figures out how to balance her work and love life, or a woman who cleaves herself from dependence on a man) are not exactly what I have in mind, although I may include such books on this list if they do a *particularly* good job and attempt to raise social commentary on other feminist issue(s) as well.

Note 3: This list is organized by year (most current year first), and alphabetically by author within each year.

If you have a suggestion for something I'm missing that I should include, please let me know - in the comments below, on Twitter, etc.

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FEMINIST FICTION

√ Ally Hughes Has Sex Sometimes - Jules Moulin (2015) [Contemporary, Romance, Mother-Daughter Relationships] - Single mother and college professor Ally Hughes does not have time for sex - but she makes an exception for Jake, a surprisingly mature student in one of her classes. Ten years later, Jake comes back into her life as her daughter's friend - at the same time that her grown daughter finds herself so desperate for a nose job her mother won't help pay for that she's willing to work as a "live sex cam girl." Reads like chick lit/romance, but does confront issues such as female sexual empowerment (though with the goading of a man) and some of the problems of the sex industry.

√ * Dietland - Sarai Walker (2015) [Contemporary, Humor, Satire, Revenge Fantasy] - Plum Kettle has always believed her weight is an abomination - until she meets an underground community of women who live life on their own terms, and realizes she's been living the life others expect of her. Meanwhile, a dangerous guerrilla group called "Jennifer" is terrorizing a world that mistreats women, slicing this fast-paced and often funny satire with delicious moments of revenge fantasy.

An Untamed State - Roxane Gay (2014) [Contemporary]

Americanah - Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie (2013) [Contemporary]

√ * Life After Life - Kate Atkinson (2013) [Literary, Historic, Philosophical, Reincarnation] - As Ursula Todd lives many lives, she suffers tragedies on a personal scale (rape, crude 1930s abortion, domestic violence) and international scale (World War II). Using the "practice makes perfect" mentality to adjust her existence, she confronts the changes that one person - herself - is capable of producing.

√ A Tale for the Time Being - Ruth Ozeki (2013) [Historic, Contemporary, Philosophical] - This book is about strong women spanning generations: an elderly Buddhist Japanese nun, her Japanese-American granddaughter Nao, and a Japanese-Canadian novelist named Ruth (very meta) who finds Nao's diary washed up on the shore of her Vancouver island residence and believes it's an artifact carried across the Pacific by the 2004 tsunami. But what really makes it feminist is the struggles Nao goes through at her Japanese high school, where she is mercilessly bullied.

Cinnamon - Samar Yazbek (2013)

The Round House - Louise Erdrich (2012) [Contemporary]

The Flamethrowers - Rachel Kushner (2012)

Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal? - Jeanette Winterson (2011)

The Nightingales of Troy - Alice Fulton (2008) [Connected Short Stories]

√ * The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks - E. Lockhart (2008) [YA, Contemporary, Humor] - In this fun Young Adult novel, sixteen-year-old boarding school student Frankie is absolutely unwilling to act "appropriately" for her gender. She hates being excluded from her boyfriend's all-male secret society - especially when she knows she's smarter than any of them - and uses both her intellect/creativity and the boy's utter dismissal of her to her advantage to plan a series of pranks with socio-political commentary right under their noses.

The Dark Abode - Sarojini Sahoo (2008)

A Thousand Splendid Suns - Khaled Hosseini (2007)

Tales from the Town of Widows: And Chronicles From the Land of Men - James Canon (2006)

Snow Flower and the Secret Fan - Lisa See (2006)

The Joy Luck Club - Amy Tan (2006)

The Red Tent - Anita Diamant (2005)

√ * The Birth of Venus - Sarah Dunant (2004)

The Secret Life of Bees - Sue Monk Kidd (2003)

Y: The Last Man, Vol. 1: Unmanned - Brian K. Vaughan (2003) [Graphic Novel]

Fingersmith - Sarah Waters (2002)

√ * Speak - Laurie Halse Anderson (1999) [YA, Contemporary] - Melinda is cynical about high school. She has no friends, and she spends the entirety of her freshman year withdrawing into herself, refusing to talk about - or think about - the rape she survived over the summer. This heartbreaking book flawlessly demonstrates what the aftermath of such trauma looks like for many young women - women who are forced to relive the experience every day that they see their rapist walking the hallways of their school, and who struggle to process the event, pushing away family and friends at precisely the moment when they might need them most.

√  Matilda - Roald Dahl (1998) [Children's]

The Poisonwood Bible - Barbara Kingsolver (1998)

Push - Sapphire (1996)

√  * Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West - Gregory Maguire (1995) [Reimagining of The Wonderful Wizard of Oz]

So Far From God - Ana Castillo (1993)

A Thousand Acres - Jane Smiley (1991)

Dirty Weekend - Helen Zahavi (1991)

Paradise - Toni Morrison (1988)

√ * The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood (1985) [Dystopian] - This cautionary (and, unfortunately, prophetic) book features a world where a totalitarian Christian theocracy has overthrown the U.S. government and taken away the bodily agency of all women. Women are not allowed to do anything that would make them independent - they can't vote, have a job, read, or even own any personal belongings. Their finances and bodies are controlled for political purposes; they are turned into baby factories. Women who are sterile, lesbians, feminists, or politically dissident are labeled "unwomen" and exiled from society. The true horror comes from the realization of how easily this "speculative fiction" could become a reality.

House on Mango Street - Sandra Cisneros (1984) [Children's]

The House of the Spirits - Isabel Allende (1982)

√ The Color Purple - Alice Walker (1982)

Kindred - Octavia E. Butler (1979) [Sci-Fi]

The Bloody Chamber and Other Stories - Angela Carter (1979) [Short Stories, Magic Realism]

The Women's Room - Marilyn French (1977)

Kinflicks - Lisa Alther (1976)

Lover - Bertha Harris (1976) [Lesbian Romance]

Woman on the Edge of Time - Marge Piercy (1976) [Sci-Fi]

The Female Man - Joanna Russ (1975) [Sci-Fi]

Free to Be... You and Me - Marlo Thomas (1974) [Children's]

Fear of Flying - Erica Jong (1973)

Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret - Judy Blume (1970) [Children's]

The Left Hand of Darkness - Ursula K. Le Guin (1969) [Sci-Fi]

Wide Sargasso Sea - Jean Rhys (1966) [Re-imagining of Jane Eyre]

The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath (1963) [Mental Illness, Semi-Autobiographical]

The Golden Notebook - Doris Lessing (1962)

√  * To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee (1960)

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn - Betty Smith (1940)

A Room of One's Own - Virginia Woolf (1929)

The Age of Innocence - Edith Wharton (1921)

Moving the Mountain, Herland, & With Her in Ourland - Charlotte Perkins Gilman (1911-1916) [Sci-Fi, Trilogy, Utopian]

The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett (1911) [Children's]

Sultana's Dream - Rokeya Sakhawat Hussain (1905) [Sci-Fi, Short Story]

√  * The Wonderful Wizard of Oz - L. Frank Baum (1900) [Children's]

The Awakening - Kate Chopin (1899)

The Yellow Wallpaper - Charlotte Perkins Gilman (1892)

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FEMINIST MEMOIR

I know these aren't fiction, but I just had to include a space for memoirs, too. :)

How to Be a Woman - Caitlin Moran (2011)

Whipping Girl: A Transsexual Woman on Sexism and the Scapegoating of Femininity - Julia Serano (2007)

Zami: A New Spelling of My Name - Audre Lorde (1982)

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings - Maya Angelou (1969)

Rainbow Crassula

I decided to tackle a 8"x10" size colored pencil drawing because I was having such fun with them and wanted to do a slightly larger size. This one uses black Strathmore paper and eight different Prismacolor colored pencils - red, orange, yellow, green, light green, blue, light blue, and purple - for a colorful, rainbow effect.

This drawing is for sale through my Etsy shop for $59!

"Rainbow Crassula" - 8"x10" Colored Pencil Drawing by Andrea Arbit

Because there are so many layers of colored pencil on this drawing, it's hard to get a photo that's "true to color" - the glossiness of the layers reflects the light of the room and the camera. The pictures shown without the white mats show the colors more accurately. The cool white of the mats emphasizes the cooler green colors over the bright oranges and reds.

"Rainbow Crassula" - 8"x10" Colored Pencil Drawing with 11"x14" White Crescent Mat

The source material I used for this drawing was a personal photograph taken of a succulent garden in the Norfolk Botanical Gardens in Virginia. I tried to stay as true to color as possible, because I loved the bright colors of this crassula plant.

Step 1: Red

Here, my goal was to just get an outline of the succulents down so that I knew how everything would fit on the page.

Step 2: Erase

I erased the 2x2 grid I'd drawn on my black paper with graphite pencil, as well as the 8"x10" outline I'd measured. Now that I have my red layer down, I don't need them anymore.

I had to go through and re-add some red where the eraser deleted the red.

Step 3: Light Green

Because the green was the "undertone" underneath the oranges and yellows, I wanted to get that color down early.

Step 4: Purple

There isn't much purple in this drawing, but there is a bit blended in to the red on the edges where the red is darkest.

It's not really a "true" purple color - more of a red-violet.

Step 5: Blue

Again, I'm simplifying when I call this color "blue" - it's a blue-green shade I often add to green on black paper, for the green colored pencils on black tend to look too yellowish without darker blue tones to draw out the green color I truly want.

Step 6: Green

This green is not too different from Step 3, but it is a slightly greener color, not as yellow.

Step 7: Orange

Now that the green undertone is sufficiently layered, it's time to make it look more like the actual source material by adding a yellow-orange color.

Step 8: Yellow and Blending

Though I often like the contrast of black paper showing through bright colored pencils, it didn't seem to fit in this case, where the interior of the succulent plants weren't very dark. So as I added a bit of yellow (to blend the orange and green into each other), I also went back through and added more red, more green, more blue, and more purple, to fill in the black edges I wanted to get rid of.

Step 9: Light Blue Highlights

Finally, I added highlights. In the previous step, I used the yellow to outline some of the highlights on the edges of the petals, but I found that the yellow wasn't bright enough. Plus, I wanted to make parts of the background lighter, to mimic the white-ish colored rocks in the background of the source photo.

Instead of true white, I used a very pale blue. On black paper, they look very similar anyway, but I wanted that hint of blue to tie in the bit of blue that was blended into the green.

And here we are! Here are some images of the final, completed drawing:

(Remember that the above four were taken with a different camera, of the final product with the white mat, so the coloring isn't as "true to color" as the four photos below.)

Don't forget - this drawing is for sale through my Etsy shop!

As far as symbolism goes, where my flowers (are succulents actually flowers? or are they just plants? are those petals, or leaves?) stand in for sexuality (especially female sexuality) and/or the experience of life and humanity in general (especially womanhood and the "essence" or soul of that idea, or of a specific woman) -

I find succulents very interesting. These are plants that survive arid climates by keeping all their juices inside, plants that often have prickly spikes on their exteriors as defense mechanisms (though the plants in this drawing, don't in fact have spikes). You could interpret this as sexual - sexual repression, celibacy, perseverance in the face of adversity (abuse or assault, perhaps) - or you could interpret it more generally, as someone guarded, someone shy, someone reserved, someone who develops a thick skin, someone who keeps her (or his) thoughts to herself (himself).

These are often traits we deride (in America, at least, where we're all supposed to be gregarious and friendly and open) - but look how beautiful these succulents are! They're not ashamed of their nature. And they show so much of their beautiful selves - even as they choose to keep certain parts inside.

Hanging by a Petal & Stapled Apart & Bound & Debris

There are four more watercolor paintings I would like to talk about that I created for my thesis. They are in much the same vein as the last two I talked about (the ones from yesterday's post) - each of them uses flowers as a symbol for female genitalia or female sexuality so that I could raise awareness and start discussions about female sexual assault, rape, and female genital mutilation (FGM), among other things.

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"Hanging by a Petal" by Andrea Arbit - Watercolor painting on paper, 30"x22"

For Hanging by a Petal, I again used safety pins to mutilate a set of roses. The two roses are currently held together with pins, and their petals show perforations and scars from earlier assault attempts. As I wrote in my thesis, "the petal in the foreground - stabbed with safety pins so many times that it cannot stay attached to the rest of the flower - is starting to unravel, the piles of petals giving evidence to the unfortunate future of the rose."

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(Purchase Stapled Apart through my Etsy shop!)

"Stapled Apart" by Andrea Arbit - Watercolor painting on paper, 22"x30"

Stapled Apart shows rose petals that were assaulted with numerous staples. The palette in this one is not the pinks, yellows, and violets that I used in most of the rest of the series. Instead, I experimented with darker colors, browns, and sickly yellow-greens. In my thesis I wrote: "While creating my other pieces, I feared that pleasant colors would cause confusion about what the paintings were about. I worried that Pinned for Safety, Hanging by a Petal, and Stabbed might be too “pretty” – that viewers would think I was advocating or even celebrating violence with them. The darker, more neutral colors look more sinister. However, I quickly returned to the more saturated pinks, yellows, and violets for my remaining watercolors because I am more drawn to saturated colors and want to attract viewers. I wanted the color palette – if nothing else – to seem celebratory and hopeful."

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(Purchase Bound through my Etsy shop!)

"Bound" by Andrea Arbit - Watercolor painting on paper, 30"x22"

Bound depicts a rose bound in rubber bands, literally restricting it from fulfilling its purpose to act as a reproductive agent for the plant, as well as its purpose to be aesthetically pleasing. These limitations could reference physically violent genital restriction (e.g. FGM), or emotionally or psychologically restrictive social norms placed on expressions of female sexuality, as I talked about in the post with the "hesitant" flowers that had chosen to cover themselves with caution tape.

As I said in my thesis: "Even when no sexual abuse has occurred, women are often taught that their genitalia are unclean or shameful, and should be covered up and avoided at all times... Vaginismus is only one of several sexual disorders women may acquire due to societal restrictions on sexuality. A woman with vaginismus is so afraid of vaginal penetration that an involuntary spasm of the muscles surrounding the vagina blocks any attempt at entry; the spasms can even be triggered by just thinking about something (a penis, a tampon, medical instruments needed to conduct pap smears) entering the vagina. Though physical causes may also contribute, the majority of vaginismus cases are caused by any of numerous psychological issues: anxiety about being vulnerable, losing control, or getting pregnant; fear or anticipation of intercourse pain; performance pressures; negativity toward and guilt about sex; past emotional or sexual abuse; overly rigid parenting; unbalanced religious teaching; and inadequate sex education."

It is interesting, I think, to note that there is no way for this rose to have completely bound itself in those rubber bands without outside assistance. Unlike Silk Caution and Poisoned Rose, which I talked about previously, the rose is being restricted by objects outside of itself.

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(Purchase Debris through my Etsy shop!)

"Debris" by Andrea Arbit - Watercolor painting on paper, 22"x30"

Finally, we come to the last painting in this thesis series. In Debris, I do not include any evidence of what destroyed the flower; the focus is instead on the aftermath - the debris of destruction, or perhaps simply the wilting of old age. "My palette is hopeful and suggests that life will eventually renew itself – there will be other roses. I hope that with each passing year, more women and girls will find empowerment in their bodies and sexuality."

Five years after writing those words, I'm still working on my own empowerment. I do think I'll get there - as long as I keep trying to get there. I haven't made nearly as much progress in unlocking my self-confidence as I'd hoped I would have by now - but only because I've become complacent. When something is shrouded in shame and embarrassment, it's easier to avoid it than it is to work on it. Consistency is key.

Don't forget to check out my Etsy shop for these paintings and others in this thesis series!

Pinned for Safety & Stabbed

In case you're new to this week's series of blog entries, I've been talking about my honors thesis, which consisted of several watercolor paintings and a companion written artist statement.

In the first several paintings, I was using flowers (roses in particular) as a symbol for female sexuality and female genitalia. Once I had created the "hesitant" flowers (the ones with caution tape) and the "healing" flowers (the ones with bandages), I started to realize how I could use the symbolism I had established to maybe raise awareness about certain feminist issues that were weighing on me. And so I created paintings that allude to rape, sexual assault, and female genital mutilation.

Here is where using a symbol for female genitalia, instead of a depiction of an actual vulva, became very important. In my early paintings, I was dealing a lot more with the psychology of having a vagina - or, at the very least, my psychology. The roses were not physically injured, and so were "only" emotionally or mentally scarred. For those paintings, it might not have mattered if I'd chosen to use the flower symbolism or an actual vulva. (As it was, I chose the symbolism, because, as stated in previous entries, I was not too comfortable with my own sexuality and needed that "crutch" of a symbol because I wasn't ready for something explicitly graphic.) But for the paintings in the rest of my thesis, I believe in does matter.

Because I am showing physical harm - roses that are being actively assaulted, or roses that are obviously damaged from a past assault - I wanted to be very careful that I was not seeming to encourage or glorify sexual violence. It was very important to me that the viewer would be sympathetic towards the injured rose - not turned on by it. There were times, even using a flower as a stand-in for female genitalia, when I was still concerned about this, when I feared that a "beautiful" color palette would seem to beautify the act done to the rose. I hope these paintings are not interpreted in this way; I hope instead that the viewers seen the beauty in the rose itself. The rose carries the potential for strength and beauty despite the trauma that has been done to it, NOT because of the trauma it has endured.

I do this to myself sometimes. I need to remind myself not to romanticize pain. I get to thinking that in order to be a great artist or a great writer, I need to suffer - and so I hold myself back and make myself suffer. I would never hurt someone else, would never tell someone else that her life would be more beautiful, more poetic, more meaningful, if there was a bit more trauma in it. But I tell it to myself, and it's something I'm trying to work on changing. If I wouldn't allow a friend to hold those self-sabotaging beliefs, I shouldn't let myself hold them either. I should treat myself like my own friend.

"Pinned for Safety" by Andrea Arbit - Watercolor painting on paper, 20"x22"

Pinned for Safety is the first painting I made that showed violence actively directed toward the rose. I purchased and destroyed real flowers with safety pins, straight pins, tape, staples, and clips. I later used photographs taken while mutilating the flowers as references to create these watercolor paintings.

I wrote in my thesis: "Safety pins are everyday tools that we to hold something together with minimal damage. In this work, however, the rose petals are so fragile that the term “safety pin” becomes an oxymoron. One cannot pin a rose without damaging it, whether the intent is merely to keep the rose safe and together or to force its petals to close. I intended this to serve as a commentary on how even the best intentions can do more damage than good."

Female genital mutilation (FGM), also known as female genital cutting and female circumcision, is unfortunately seen as legitimate, beneficial, and justifiable in many parts of the world. "Like a well-intentioned attempt to hold something together with safety pins, in cultures where FGM is practiced, it is defended under the grounds that it is for the female’s own good. Reasons cited are numerous and varied, including aiding in genital cleanliness (for the sake of the woman and for her future children, who could supposedly die if they came in contact with “unclean” external female genitalia) and removing the “male” part of female genitalia – the clitoris – to create a clearer indication of a woman’s sex, which in turn is thought to enhance the female’s femininity (e.g. docility and obedience). FGM is also performed to cure females of depression, hysteria, and insanity; and to prevent sexual promiscuity and excessive masturbation by eliminating a female’s ability to experience sexual pleasure or decreasing her libido. Other reasons include proving virginity at the time of marriage to ensure an honorable union; increasing fertility; and even making the female genitalia more aesthetically pleasing. Women who undergo this procedure are told that it is done for their safety, health, social status, and virtue, but FGM 'has no health benefits and harms girls and women in many ways.'"

“In countries where it is practiced, mostly African, about two million youngsters a year can expect the knife – or the razor or a glass shard – to cut their clitoris or remove it altogether, [and] to have part of all of their labia… sewn together with catgut or thorns.” FGM can lead to urinary and reproductive tract infections (caused by obstructed flow of urine and menstrual blood), scarring, infertility, epidermal inclusion cysts, increased risk of acquiring sexually transmitted infections (including HIV), bladder and urethra stones, kidney damage, and death from excessive bleeding. Initially, sexual intercourse is often extremely painful for women who have undergone this procedure; a second cut of their genitals often needs to be made at this time – usually performed by the sexual partner with a knife – to allow the labia majora to be opened for intercourse. This second cut can also lead to medical complications. Many women never experience sexual pleasure after FGM. Many women who have had their genitals cut experience difficulties in childbirth. All types of female genital mutilation pose an increased risk of death to the baby, with some types also increasing the risk of postpartum hemorrhage in women. Finally, because many FGM procedures are performed on young girls who are not given a choice in the matter, psychological and emotional stress is common, with comparable symptoms to post-traumatic stress disorder. Since 1997, the World Health Organization (WHO), the United Nations Children’s Fund (UNICEF) and the United Nations Population Fund (UNFPA) have spoken out against the practice of FGM.

(If you want references for any of that above information, there is a wealth of research cited in the thesis this is pulled from, and you can check there.)

Likewise, the rose in Pinned for Safety is clearly harmed by attempts to pin it shut. The flower petals have started to tear, and the pile of petals in the background suggests that the pins will eventually destroy the flower, rather than protect it.

"Stabbed" by Andrea Arbit - Watercolor painting on paper, 20"x22"

Of course, FGM is not something that is generally practiced in Western countries, so much of my audience probably doesn't know a lot about the procedure and would not immediately think of FGM as a way of interpreting my paintings. But sexual violence toward women is not limited to FGM. In this second violent painting, Stabbed, I held two roses shut with straight pins, which were more effective than safety pins in keeping them closed. Also, as I added in my thesis, "the straight pins lent themselves more easily to stabbing the flowers. Because they did not have to be held in place by safety pin latches, they could penetrate into the roses in a quicker, jerkier fashion." This painting, therefore, seems less like an invasive (yet careful) surgery, and more like rape or sexual assault - a problem that is, unlike FGM, prevalent throughout the entire world.

From my thesis: "Statistics show that one out of every three or four women experience sexual violence, so it is likely that everyone knows someone who has experienced sexual trauma or rape. Most often a woman is raped or assaulted by someone she knows (such as a significant other, relative, neighbor, or adult in a position of authority), but these 'acquaintance rapes' are very rarely reported. The National Organization of Women estimates that every year 1.2 million women are forcibly raped by their current or former male partners, some more than once. Similarly, a Ms. magazine survey in 1994 found that eighty-four percent of those raped knew their attacker. According to this data then, acquaintance rape and date rape are more common than left-handedness, heart attacks, and alcoholism. Women are taught to be wary of strangers and avoid walking alone at night, but these strategies do not take into account the reality of the majority of rape situations. By showing how easily flowers are torn and damaged with safety pins, I am trying to raise awareness of the alarming frequency of sexual assault and rape."

(Once again, if you want references for any of that above information, there is a wealth of research cited in the thesis this is pulled from, and you can check there.)

Now, rape is being talked about a lot on social media, and even on the news. But when I made this painting in early 2010, there weren't activists carrying their mattresses around campuses. I didn't see nearly as much discussion about rape statistics in 2010 as I do today - and maybe that's partly because I wasn't yet on Twitter following feminist accounts, and was still living a sheltered college student's life, not watching much news or generally staying abreast with the goings on of the world - but I don't think that adequately accounts for the huge jump in discussion I've seen in the last few years. I think we've gotten better about talking about some of this stuff. I hope I'm right; I hope we have.

When I showed these two paintings at an event at Eastern Michigan University in 2010 next to a display of rape and sexual assault statistics, there were several people who seemed shocked at the numbers. Many men would stop reading my artist statement, would stop looking at my watercolor paintings, as soon as they realized that I was talking about female genitalia, but there were some men who not only kept reading, but engaged me in conversation. One such man listened to everything I had to say, read my statistics, and left - only to return an hour or so later, as the event was wrapping up, to tell me he couldn't stop thinking about what he'd learned. He told me he had two daughters, both in high school or college. He said he'd never thought about it before, how likely they were to experience rape or sexual assault in their lifetimes. Given the 1 in 4 statistic listed above, he has a 50% chance that at least one of his daughters will be raped or sexually assaulted.

Chances are that we all know someone who has been raped, or is the victim of attempted rape. I know for a fact that I know a few such people - and those are only the women who have told me. It's awful to think about, that something so horrible could still be so common.

But no, we've reached gender equality. Give me a break.

Don't forget to check out my Etsy shop for others in this thesis series! (I have these particular two currently hanging in my dining room, but the rest of this series is available for purchase on Etsy.)

Bandaged Duality & Ace Bandage Field

The last few entries have been pretty long. I keep going off on tangents - feminism, my adolescence, etc. I mean, they're not really tangents, I guess, in that they are a part of me and end up influencing my work. But they are topics other than what I intended to write about when I sat down to write the entry. So I will try to be briefer in these next several entries, as I finish up talking about my honors thesis paintings. I will try to keep my message more focused. :)

The next two paintings I created for my thesis were Bandaged Duality and Ace Bandage Field.

(Purchase Bandaged Duality in my Etsy shop!)

"Bandaged Duality" by Andrea Arbit - Watercolor on paper, 22"x30"

I used a similar composition for this painting as I did for Silk Caution, which I talked about yesterday. But in this painting, instead of pairing a hesitant rose with a spiral of silk, I paired a rose covered in Band-Aids (the plastic, disposable kind) next to a spiral of Ace Bandage cloth (the stretchy reusable material used to wrap larger injuries, like pulled muscles and sprained ankles). Together, the two circles evoke breasts.

As I note in the written part of my thesis, the rose looks relatively healthy - it is sort of the bluish-yellow color of a bruise, and it has a series of small Band-Aids taped onto it in "X" patterns, but the petals are still intact, and the rose is whole. "It will clearly be able to make a full physical recovery, despite any residual damage." About the Band-Aids I added: "The “X”s the Band-Aids create are a way to say “do not enter” without including caution tape, or they simply “mark the spot” of the rose’s injuries.

(Purchase Ace Bandage Field in my Etsy shop!)

"Ace Bandage Field" by Andrea Arbit - Watercolor on paper, 22"x30"

Ace Bandage Field steps away from the rather symmetrical two-circles composition in favor of a triangle of circular forms - a rose and two Ace Bandages wrapped up into spirals. The triangle is, like the rose, another symbol for female genitalia used throughout history (Judy Chicago used a long triangle-shaped table for her famous, feminist "Dinner Party" installation), but that wasn't the only reason I changed the composition up a bit. As an artist, I didn't want to (or wasn't supposed to want to) do the same thing over and over. And as a student, I was discouraged not to. (Keep in mind that I painted all of these watercolors for a studio art class. They were critiqued by my instructor and other watercolor students in the class, and I received grades on them.)

Besides the largest two Ace Bandages, there are others in the background. None of these bandages are doing anything to protect the flower. They aren't being actively used; they are simply sitting next to the rose. The rose itself is "slightly malformed and pale in color, but doesn't have any visible bruises or wounds." Are we supposed to believe something has damaged the flower, and that the Ace Bandages will be used to help the flower heal? Maybe the rose has internal damage - the kind of damage flimsy bandages can't treat. Maybe the rose isn't actually hurt at all, and is just pretending. Maybe the rose has been thrown into this pile of Ace Bandages, where it nearly blends in, because it is hardly different from an Ace Bandage itself. Maybe a rose, maybe female sexuality, is something that can be worn to heal its user from other physical or emotional or mental or spiritual injuries, maybe an orgasm is a salve women can use to repair or strength or protect themselves in whatever way they may feel they need repair, strength, or protection.

If you've been following this blog chronologically, you know by now the struggles I've dealt with myself, in trying to reclaim confidence in many different areas of my life. (If you haven't and want to get a sense of what I mean, I suggest you go back and read the last few entries.) For me, sexual confidence and sexual pleasure is something I've had to work on. But just because it's something I'm trying to change doesn't mean that it can't also help me in other areas of my life in return. It's amazing how everything is so interconnected. If I feel good about myself in other ways - like if I feel like I've had a productive day writing or painting or drawing - then I am also more likely to feel good about myself sexually (that is, I am more likely to want to have sex, or I am more likely to be able to achieve orgasm). And if I feel good about myself sexually, that also makes me feel more confident in general, which leads to be having more productive, great days with my artwork and writing.

By the way, it feels very, very strange to write about my personal sex drive or reaching orgasm on such a public forum like this. If I were talking in person instead of typing to a computer screen, I would never say any of this stuff. That doesn't mean I wouldn't want to say it - just that I would chicken out from doing so. I hope it's worth it, this putting myself out there. If reading about and thinking about me wanting to have sex (or not wanting to have sex, as the case often is, haha) makes you uncomfortable, just know that you're not alone. I'm uncomfortable too. But I wouldn't do this if I didn't think it was important - for me, mainly, but maybe for others too, if there are others who find this and understand, others who read this and relate.

Don't forget to check out my Etsy shop for these paintings and others in this thesis series!