My episode of ARTV's
L'Art Erotique docuseries,
Desirs Secrets, aired in Montreal in early February. Though the video of it is up on Vimeo, it's for private access only (otherwise I'd link it here). It was (of course) all in French, and I haven't had time to translate it all yet to see
exactly what they said about my art, but from what I can glean so far it seems to be a pretty accurate representation.
I'm very grateful for the opportunity to get my work seen by more people, but I do have a major complaint.
They listed my name as "Andrea Frownfelter" on the video, even though I expressly told them many times that my name is now "Andrea Arbit."
I understand the confusion - they contacted me to be a part of their docuseries because they found and read my thesis online (which you can read for free here:
http://commons.emich.edu/honors/238/). I wrote this thesis in 2010, the year before I was married, and so it was published under "Andrea Frownfelter." Maybe they would have published it under a different name if I had asked, but I didn't ask, because I was pretty sure the answer would be a resounding "no." I wanted to earn graduation credit for my thesis, and so I used my (then) legal name, the name that would appear on my diploma.
I was already engaged at the time, and knew I would be changing my name soon to "Andrea Arbit." I was slightly worried that it would lead to some confusion, since I planned to use my married name on all future artwork and projects completed after 2011, but I figured it was just the first few paintings of what I hoped would be a long artistic and writing career, and that in the end it wouldn't make much difference.
I didn't realize that my thesis would continue to connect me with people years after graduation. I've been married almost five years now, and graduated from EMU for six years, and in that time I've tried to make a name for myself as "Andrea Arbit." But it is still "Andrea Frownfelter" who is often cited, because that is the name listed as the author of my thesis. Maybe if I knew this would still be coming up six years later, I would've asked EMU if they could publish it under the name "Andrea Arbit."
I should've asked. The worst they could've said is no, and just maybe they would've said yes.
Every time I received an email from the people producing the
L'Art Erotique series, it was addressed to "Andrea Frownfelter" or "Mrs. Frownfelter" (which was never my name; I was never a "Mrs." when I was a "Frownfelter") or even, once (strangely), "Mrs. DeAndrea." I politely corrected them each and every time.
When I was interviewed in person, I even filled out a form with my name and title as I wanted it to be used in the show. I wrote "Andrea Arbit." None of these instances of telling them my new legal name apparently stuck, because when the episode aired, I was listed as "Andrea Frownfelter."
This was my chance at getting the name "Andrea Arbit" out there - and connecting my new name unequivocally with my thesis paintings, so that there would be no confusion that we were the same person. Instead,
they perpetuated and exacerbated the problem, naming me as "Andrea Frownfelter" when that isn't a name I've used for any of my art or writing since 2011.
Honestly, every time I think about it again I get a little angrier.
If I had wanted to continue to be known as "Andrea Frownfelter" I would have used that name. I do not use that name anymore, and told them so many times. They did not respect my wishes.
I feel a little weird complaining about it, because I feel like it's the
opposite problem that many women have. I hear more stories of women who do not want to change their name after marriage who are bullied into changing their name anyway, or who are called or addressed by a name that isn't theirs and which they've never taken, just because other people (whether they be strangers or family) can't fathom a woman who would chose to keep her birth name. Instead, I get called by my birth name when I
want to be addressed by my married name.
Maybe it just goes to prove that
there's no right way to be a woman and have a name, even in contemporary society. Those who don't want to change get shamed at for not changing; those who do want to change but already have something out there with their birth name on it face constant issues with getting other people to acknowledge the new name. It's ridiculous - and it's usually a female-only problem. Women are the only ones routinely expected to change their names (change their identities) throughout their lives. Our choices to deal with this problem are to face scrutiny for keeping our birth names, never marry, or never produce anything before marriage that gets our name known.
I married when I was 22 years old! It's not like I had decades of an illustrious career attached to the name "Andrea Frownfelter." I had one academic paper, which I wrote when I was 21. That was it! What, was I supposed to marry before I graduated just to avoid this problem? Or go through extra red tape to change my legal name without being married, just so I could use the name I wanted to before graduation?
I didn't want to be known as "Andrea Frownfelter" because I didn't particularly like the name. It was nothing against my family; I just didn't like the F sounds. My brother had actually been bullied a lot as a kid by peers substituting other F-words into his last name. ("Fartfelter" and "Frownfarter" probably being the nicer of the possibilities you can imagine). Though I avoided much of this name-calling myself (somehow), knowing how easily kids were changing
his name did little to make me want to keep mine. I also didn't like the length. Sometimes it was hard to fit the name on forms. (I pity anyone who has a long first name
and a long last name - I can't even imagine!)
I've always wanted to be a writer or an artist, to create things and attach a name to those things, to be known. I played around with pen names as a kid. When I pictured my first published book, I didn't picture it filed under F for Frownfelter. I knew it would be something else. It didn't have to be my real name, but it had to be a name associated with me somehow -
a name I'd come up with or decided on, a name that would be my own.
Then I happened to fall in love with someone with the last name "Arbit." It was pretty convenient. It was a shorter name, a name I liked, and a name I thought sounded good with my first name. I thought the alliteration might help with name recognition, and it didn't hurt that it was at the start of the alphabet. I figured I'd use it as my writing name, my artist name, my legal name, and the name everyone would call me.
I always wanted to change my name, and I saw getting married as a wonderful excuse to do so. Not only would it be easy to legally change my name at that time, but (I thought) it would also be easy to socially change it at that time - that everyone would easily accept my decision because it was part of a tradition. In addition, I expected to have kids one day, and wanted to avoid the headache of different last names within the same family. It made sense for me to change my name, and to change it to the name of the person I was marrying. I felt a little weird about it, being a self-proclaimed feminist. But I rationalized away such weirdness by reminding myself that
being a feminist is about doing what feels best and most self-empowering for each individual woman, and for me that was changing my name.
I like being "Andrea Arbit." I enjoy the way it rolls of the tongue. I enjoy the way it looks. I enjoy signing it - whether it's just the last name scribbled into the corner of artworks or my first and last names, two capital A's, signing a check or document.
But none of that should even matter. I don't have to give a reason why I want to be known as "Andrea Arbit." If I ask you to do that, why can't that request just be accepted?
I owe no explanations. There is no reason for someone to disrespect my wishes and call me by anything else - even if the thesis that brought me into your attention has my last name listed as something different.
Why is it so hard to do what someone asks you to do regarding their own identity? It's their identity. They know best.
I can't even imagine how difficult it must be to be transgender.
All I'm asking for is to be recognized by my changed
legal name, which happened almost FIVE YEARS AGO and was acquired in the most privileged, traditional way that it could possibly be acquired, following naming conventions which have been around for literally centuries. And even this I have problems with.
I realize that this is probably just a "lost in translation" or "falling through the cracks" sort of thing - I was emailing and talking to several different people through the process, and most were good about addressing me as "Andrea Arbit" (or simply "Andrea") in further correspondence, once I corrected them. They were also translating back and forth between French and English. I don't think the used the wrong name maliciously or intentionally. Mistakes happen. I get it.
But it's still really disappointing that I was called the wrong name on television, that my artwork was attributed to a name that no longer exists, and that I was denied the opportunity to promote my desired, currently utilized, legal name to a wide audience. I hope their mistake doesn't do too much to hold "Andrea Arbit" back from the recognition she's working hard to earn.
