The end of a year is always very reflective for me. It is for a lot of people, I know - looking back at 2015 and making Best Of and Worst Of lists, looking forward to 2016 and making resolutions. The holidays don't help matters - when you see family and friends you haven't seen in awhile (maybe not since last holiday season), they want to know what you've been up to. We all have to share updates on our last year, and to do so we first have to reflect back and see what actually happened. But for those of us (like me, like my husband) who also have birthdays toward the end of December, we have yet another reason to consider the past twelve months.
I recently turned 27 (on December 20), and it's starting to feel like I'm getting into "scary territory" - nearing that big 3-0 mark where, if I haven't already started acting like an adult, I really have no choice anymore to put it off. My opportunities for youthful indiscretions are dwindling. Not that I do many (or any) youthful indiscretions - but maybe that's precisely why it's disconcerting. I feel like I haven't taken advantage of my twenties much, and now I don't have much of my twenties left.
Of course, that's kind of a glass-is-half-empty view. I still have three years of my twenties left, and three years is a long time. There's plenty of opportunity left. Furthermore, focusing on what I haven't done isn't very helpful. So here's to focusing on my accomplishments instead.
I've spent the last few posts recapping what television, movies, and books I enjoyed in 2015, and today (on the first day of 2016) I want to look at what I enjoyed about myself in 2015.
I took care of my health. When I felt sick, I actually went to the doctor instead of trying to "get through it" on my own. When my doctor recommended I see an endocrinologist about a high fasting blood sugar, I followed through. When the endocrinologist told me to start watching my carb intake and get more exercise to build up muscle, I tried to do those things. Yeah, I feel short often (my sweet tooth is so hard to curb!) but I did try, and plan to continue trying. I also tried to take care of my mental health by seeing a therapist and working on positive thinking. I did my "annual" gynecology visit for the first time in probably three or four years. And I started seeing a chiropractor - not because I was in enormous neck/back pain, but because I knew I had TMJ issues with my jaw that had persisted for years and would probably only continue to get worse if I didn't start following the "ounce of prevention is worth more than a pound of cure" mentality. I even got a flu shot this year. These aren't things I often or normally do, but I prioritized taking care of my health this year, and I did them.
I recognized when I needed to leave something behind, and I did. I don't always know what to do to be happy, but I can recognize when something is actively making me not happy. This year, it was substitute teaching. I don't know what it was exactly about subbing that stressed me out, but I felt myself physically getting sick this spring, and thought substitute teaching was probably to blame. So I stopped taking jobs and started taking some of the above steps to feel physically better. I'm still trying to figure out what I should do instead of substitute teaching to make money, but at least I was able to leave that stress behind while I figure it out.
I worked on the projects I want to work on. I devoted more time to my art and writing my novel(s). Yeah, I did it with the hope that I might make some money at it, but I knew money wasn't a guarantee and I poured myself into these projects anyway - because I wanted to. And though progress is often slow, I feel like I am seeing some progress. My novel was a lot better at the end of December that it was at the beginning of last January. I feel myself turning into a better artist, a better writer - but only when I work at doing those things.
I took care of a puppy. I've never before been solely responsible (or jointly responsible, but with someone else who knows as little about caring for a puppy as I do) for something so dependent. Since I'm home with her most of the day while my husband is at work, I wind up doing the bulk of the puppy-care. I don't always know what Ginny needs, but my husband and I have done our best. And Ginny clearly loves us and feels comfortable around us, so I guess we're doing something right. :)
Honestly, it's that first accomplishment that I'm most proud of for 2015, and the one I intend to focus on as 2016 marches on. I've recognized when I needed to leave something behind before, and done it. I'm always working on projects I want to work on - I just don't always have the time to do so, like I made sure I did in 2015. And though I hadn't been responsible for a puppy (or anything comparable) before last year, I always expected I'd be able to when the time came - just like I kind of assume I'll be a (relatively) good mother when that time comes. I understand motherhood is a hard job, but it's something I've always wanted, and I know that I'm capable of accomplishing things that I want to accomplish and work hard to accomplish. I know that I'm capable of recognizing when I don't know something, and I know how to go about finding answers. (The times I've Googled "is it okay that my puppy just ____?" in 2015...) So yes, I'm proud that Ginny is doing so well and I had a part in getting her to that point.
But I am even more proud of myself for making my health a priority this past year. Not that I actively rejected it before 2015, but I didn't prioritize it either, and it wasn't really something I thought I ever would prioritize. I like helping others, and in the process of doing so, often neglect myself. I'm trying to retrain myself into understanding that neglecting myself like that is not a virtue, proof of selflessness and womanhood and kindness. It's actually just a really stupid idea. It's not like we have to do one or the other - I can take care of myself and take care of others. (I think prioritizing my health and adopting and taking care of a puppy this year kind of proves that.) So why wouldn't I try to do both? Especially when my ability to help others is so dependent on how well I've taken care of myself first.
I recently turned 27 (on December 20), and it's starting to feel like I'm getting into "scary territory" - nearing that big 3-0 mark where, if I haven't already started acting like an adult, I really have no choice anymore to put it off. My opportunities for youthful indiscretions are dwindling. Not that I do many (or any) youthful indiscretions - but maybe that's precisely why it's disconcerting. I feel like I haven't taken advantage of my twenties much, and now I don't have much of my twenties left.
Of course, that's kind of a glass-is-half-empty view. I still have three years of my twenties left, and three years is a long time. There's plenty of opportunity left. Furthermore, focusing on what I haven't done isn't very helpful. So here's to focusing on my accomplishments instead.
I've spent the last few posts recapping what television, movies, and books I enjoyed in 2015, and today (on the first day of 2016) I want to look at what I enjoyed about myself in 2015.
I took care of my health. When I felt sick, I actually went to the doctor instead of trying to "get through it" on my own. When my doctor recommended I see an endocrinologist about a high fasting blood sugar, I followed through. When the endocrinologist told me to start watching my carb intake and get more exercise to build up muscle, I tried to do those things. Yeah, I feel short often (my sweet tooth is so hard to curb!) but I did try, and plan to continue trying. I also tried to take care of my mental health by seeing a therapist and working on positive thinking. I did my "annual" gynecology visit for the first time in probably three or four years. And I started seeing a chiropractor - not because I was in enormous neck/back pain, but because I knew I had TMJ issues with my jaw that had persisted for years and would probably only continue to get worse if I didn't start following the "ounce of prevention is worth more than a pound of cure" mentality. I even got a flu shot this year. These aren't things I often or normally do, but I prioritized taking care of my health this year, and I did them.
I recognized when I needed to leave something behind, and I did. I don't always know what to do to be happy, but I can recognize when something is actively making me not happy. This year, it was substitute teaching. I don't know what it was exactly about subbing that stressed me out, but I felt myself physically getting sick this spring, and thought substitute teaching was probably to blame. So I stopped taking jobs and started taking some of the above steps to feel physically better. I'm still trying to figure out what I should do instead of substitute teaching to make money, but at least I was able to leave that stress behind while I figure it out.
I worked on the projects I want to work on. I devoted more time to my art and writing my novel(s). Yeah, I did it with the hope that I might make some money at it, but I knew money wasn't a guarantee and I poured myself into these projects anyway - because I wanted to. And though progress is often slow, I feel like I am seeing some progress. My novel was a lot better at the end of December that it was at the beginning of last January. I feel myself turning into a better artist, a better writer - but only when I work at doing those things.
I took care of a puppy. I've never before been solely responsible (or jointly responsible, but with someone else who knows as little about caring for a puppy as I do) for something so dependent. Since I'm home with her most of the day while my husband is at work, I wind up doing the bulk of the puppy-care. I don't always know what Ginny needs, but my husband and I have done our best. And Ginny clearly loves us and feels comfortable around us, so I guess we're doing something right. :)
Honestly, it's that first accomplishment that I'm most proud of for 2015, and the one I intend to focus on as 2016 marches on. I've recognized when I needed to leave something behind before, and done it. I'm always working on projects I want to work on - I just don't always have the time to do so, like I made sure I did in 2015. And though I hadn't been responsible for a puppy (or anything comparable) before last year, I always expected I'd be able to when the time came - just like I kind of assume I'll be a (relatively) good mother when that time comes. I understand motherhood is a hard job, but it's something I've always wanted, and I know that I'm capable of accomplishing things that I want to accomplish and work hard to accomplish. I know that I'm capable of recognizing when I don't know something, and I know how to go about finding answers. (The times I've Googled "is it okay that my puppy just ____?" in 2015...) So yes, I'm proud that Ginny is doing so well and I had a part in getting her to that point.
But I am even more proud of myself for making my health a priority this past year. Not that I actively rejected it before 2015, but I didn't prioritize it either, and it wasn't really something I thought I ever would prioritize. I like helping others, and in the process of doing so, often neglect myself. I'm trying to retrain myself into understanding that neglecting myself like that is not a virtue, proof of selflessness and womanhood and kindness. It's actually just a really stupid idea. It's not like we have to do one or the other - I can take care of myself and take care of others. (I think prioritizing my health and adopting and taking care of a puppy this year kind of proves that.) So why wouldn't I try to do both? Especially when my ability to help others is so dependent on how well I've taken care of myself first.
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