In previous posts I talked about creating eight "daily affirmations" to remind me of the things I believe that I often forget to apply to myself. Today I'd like to share two more of those.
5. I'm not "just" anything. Where I am right now is important.
6. I will strive for movement today.
Both of these affirmations deal with "my station" - that is, where I am and where I want to be.
My greatest insecurities come from a fear that I am not where I am "supposed to be" - that I am somehow following short of a standard. (What standard? Whose standard? Often, only my own.)
That adults are supposed to have certain successes - that I haven't had. That women are supposed to feel something or behave in a certain way - that I do not. That humans are supposed to have certain priorities - that I don't. That, at twenty-six I'm supposed to be at a certain place in my life, in my career, etc. - and I am not at that place.
So this first affirmation acknowledges that the idea of a "standard" is ridiculous - that where I am is where I am, and little good comes from belittling it.
First of all, if you ask 10 different people to define success, you'll get 10 different answers. There is no one standard that everyone agrees to (nor should there be). Sure, I have expectations about how my life might play out, but those expectations are not the same as the expectations my family might have for me, or my friends, or my therapist, or a stranger on the street, or someone from another country or culture or religion or historical era. I am who I am - and though I have some say in who I'll be in the future, I can't control everything, and to assume I can is not only blatantly false, but also decidedly unhelpful.
It is often in the realm of my career that I use this language. I say - I'm "just" a substitute teacher (well, I'm not really a substitute teacher at all anymore, having purposefully not paid for my sub permit this school year in an effort to focus on writing and art, but I did say this up until a few months ago). I'm "just" an aspiring artist, or "just" an aspiring author.
When I worked as a cashier/customer service worker in a clothing/accessories store a few years ago, and someone asked what I did, I said, "Oh, I just work in retail."
When I say "just" like that, what I mean is that I see where I am as a temporary station. I did not want to linger in the field of retail, or as a substitute teacher. I saw those as jobs I would - hopefully - outgrow. And while it's probably a good thing to believe that I have the ability to "outgrow" that position and "right" things in my life that I am dissatisfied with (it does indicate a certain confidence that I often seem to lack), it also does little to bolster my present self-esteem, if I constantly belittle where I'm at.
It also belittles others who are at a similar station in their own lives. For instance, skinny women who complain about the way they look with comments like "I shouldn't eat this," or "Does this outfit make my ass look too big?" not only hurt themselves with their disparaging comments, but also anyone else who may be listening and comparing their bodies to hers. I knew someone in high school who made comments like this all the time about herself - even though she was very athletic (a cheerleader, a dancer) and quite obviously skinnier than me. If she thought she was fat - what was I supposed to think about myself?
I do not think she - or other women who fall into the same trap - meant to be cruel. I certainly wasn't trying to imply that all retail workers were lowly, unfortunate souls when I said off-handedly, "Oh, I just work in retail." But imply I did. I said it to indicate that it was not where I wanted to be, that it was beneath me, and where I thought my station was - but anyone else working in retail hearing me say that would have to wonder - "And what about me? Does she think this job is not beneath me? Does she think she's better than I am?"
It so happens that the someone who asked me what I did was a woman who worked at Haven, a local domestic violence shelter that I was getting ready to volunteer at. I told her "Oh, I just work in retail," and she immediately said, "No! Not 'just'! Where you are right now is important!"
I didn't want to believe her. I wanted to be too good for retail work to be important to me, what with my college degree and years of good grades. But I understand now (a few years later) what she really meant. It wasn't so much that I was doing my customer service job because it was important (though it is - where would our country be without minimum-wage workers?) - it was that my customer service job was important because I was doing it. And I am important.
It's hard to believe I have value when I say the things I devote my time to don't.
The second affirmation of this pair might seem to contradict number five, but let me explain how it doesn't.
6. I will strive for movement today.
The fact was, I saw where I was as a temporary position. I was unhappy there - because I didn't let myself be happy there, perhaps, because I thought it was beneath me; or because it was actually something I wasn't particularly interested in doing long-term.
There were things I wanted to change, things about my life I wanted to do better. I think this will probably always be the case for me, because I have a strong drive to succeed. Once I meet one goal, I create another. Even if my career were to get to the point I currently want to attain, once I got to said point I don't think I would find it as satisfying as I imagine it now. I am always wanting to go farther, to find more success.
So perhaps it's surprising that I need an affirmation to remind myself to strive for movement, when it's something I'm so willing to do. The key to this affirmation is not the word strive, but the word today. It can be hard (when I'm belittling my current station) to believe I can ever get out of the "rut" I'm in and achieve the things I want to achieve. Fear, anxiety, and complacency (defeatism?) can discourage me from attempting change (as I talked about in a previous post). My goals often seem too far away.
And that's why daily movement is so crucial. Focus on the smaller steps that can be taken today, every day.
Learning to be assertive isn't going to solve my career problems - but practicing assertiveness every day will help me stay on the track I want to be on. And anyway, assertiveness isn't something learned overnight, but gradually, with practice.
Writing blog entries like this one is another way of stoking my self-confidence, which in turn might help with my career goals down the line.
Striving for movement every day does not mean that where I am is not important. I can consciously commend my current station while also trying to alter it. In fact, if I do a little movement every day, it actually validates where I am - because being where I am and who I am today helped me take today's step.
I just have to think of my adult life in the same way that I thought of my student life. I did not belittle the role of student when I was in it. I saw it as temporary, as a stepping stone for where I wanted to be, but still appreciated (even loved) where I was in the meantime. Now that I've graduated (several years hence), I mistakenly believe that I need to be satisfied with my station and become increasingly disappointed when I'm not. But isn't all of life a learning experience - not just childhood, or adolescence, or college? Humans still grow and change as adults - and to believe that I'm "better" than that, that I should already, at 26, be my best self, is to vastly underestimate (yes, underestimate) myself.
If I am the atheist I claim to be, if I believe there is no God, then what could be "better" than to be human, to experience the human condition?
5. I'm not "just" anything. Where I am right now is important.
6. I will strive for movement today.
Both of these affirmations deal with "my station" - that is, where I am and where I want to be.
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| Source for these definitions of "station" - dictionary.com |
My greatest insecurities come from a fear that I am not where I am "supposed to be" - that I am somehow following short of a standard. (What standard? Whose standard? Often, only my own.)
That adults are supposed to have certain successes - that I haven't had. That women are supposed to feel something or behave in a certain way - that I do not. That humans are supposed to have certain priorities - that I don't. That, at twenty-six I'm supposed to be at a certain place in my life, in my career, etc. - and I am not at that place.
So this first affirmation acknowledges that the idea of a "standard" is ridiculous - that where I am is where I am, and little good comes from belittling it.
First of all, if you ask 10 different people to define success, you'll get 10 different answers. There is no one standard that everyone agrees to (nor should there be). Sure, I have expectations about how my life might play out, but those expectations are not the same as the expectations my family might have for me, or my friends, or my therapist, or a stranger on the street, or someone from another country or culture or religion or historical era. I am who I am - and though I have some say in who I'll be in the future, I can't control everything, and to assume I can is not only blatantly false, but also decidedly unhelpful.
It is often in the realm of my career that I use this language. I say - I'm "just" a substitute teacher (well, I'm not really a substitute teacher at all anymore, having purposefully not paid for my sub permit this school year in an effort to focus on writing and art, but I did say this up until a few months ago). I'm "just" an aspiring artist, or "just" an aspiring author.
When I worked as a cashier/customer service worker in a clothing/accessories store a few years ago, and someone asked what I did, I said, "Oh, I just work in retail."
When I say "just" like that, what I mean is that I see where I am as a temporary station. I did not want to linger in the field of retail, or as a substitute teacher. I saw those as jobs I would - hopefully - outgrow. And while it's probably a good thing to believe that I have the ability to "outgrow" that position and "right" things in my life that I am dissatisfied with (it does indicate a certain confidence that I often seem to lack), it also does little to bolster my present self-esteem, if I constantly belittle where I'm at.
It also belittles others who are at a similar station in their own lives. For instance, skinny women who complain about the way they look with comments like "I shouldn't eat this," or "Does this outfit make my ass look too big?" not only hurt themselves with their disparaging comments, but also anyone else who may be listening and comparing their bodies to hers. I knew someone in high school who made comments like this all the time about herself - even though she was very athletic (a cheerleader, a dancer) and quite obviously skinnier than me. If she thought she was fat - what was I supposed to think about myself?
I do not think she - or other women who fall into the same trap - meant to be cruel. I certainly wasn't trying to imply that all retail workers were lowly, unfortunate souls when I said off-handedly, "Oh, I just work in retail." But imply I did. I said it to indicate that it was not where I wanted to be, that it was beneath me, and where I thought my station was - but anyone else working in retail hearing me say that would have to wonder - "And what about me? Does she think this job is not beneath me? Does she think she's better than I am?"
It so happens that the someone who asked me what I did was a woman who worked at Haven, a local domestic violence shelter that I was getting ready to volunteer at. I told her "Oh, I just work in retail," and she immediately said, "No! Not 'just'! Where you are right now is important!"
I didn't want to believe her. I wanted to be too good for retail work to be important to me, what with my college degree and years of good grades. But I understand now (a few years later) what she really meant. It wasn't so much that I was doing my customer service job because it was important (though it is - where would our country be without minimum-wage workers?) - it was that my customer service job was important because I was doing it. And I am important.
It's hard to believe I have value when I say the things I devote my time to don't.
The second affirmation of this pair might seem to contradict number five, but let me explain how it doesn't.
6. I will strive for movement today.
The fact was, I saw where I was as a temporary position. I was unhappy there - because I didn't let myself be happy there, perhaps, because I thought it was beneath me; or because it was actually something I wasn't particularly interested in doing long-term.
There were things I wanted to change, things about my life I wanted to do better. I think this will probably always be the case for me, because I have a strong drive to succeed. Once I meet one goal, I create another. Even if my career were to get to the point I currently want to attain, once I got to said point I don't think I would find it as satisfying as I imagine it now. I am always wanting to go farther, to find more success.
So perhaps it's surprising that I need an affirmation to remind myself to strive for movement, when it's something I'm so willing to do. The key to this affirmation is not the word strive, but the word today. It can be hard (when I'm belittling my current station) to believe I can ever get out of the "rut" I'm in and achieve the things I want to achieve. Fear, anxiety, and complacency (defeatism?) can discourage me from attempting change (as I talked about in a previous post). My goals often seem too far away.
And that's why daily movement is so crucial. Focus on the smaller steps that can be taken today, every day.
Learning to be assertive isn't going to solve my career problems - but practicing assertiveness every day will help me stay on the track I want to be on. And anyway, assertiveness isn't something learned overnight, but gradually, with practice.
Writing blog entries like this one is another way of stoking my self-confidence, which in turn might help with my career goals down the line.
Striving for movement every day does not mean that where I am is not important. I can consciously commend my current station while also trying to alter it. In fact, if I do a little movement every day, it actually validates where I am - because being where I am and who I am today helped me take today's step.
I just have to think of my adult life in the same way that I thought of my student life. I did not belittle the role of student when I was in it. I saw it as temporary, as a stepping stone for where I wanted to be, but still appreciated (even loved) where I was in the meantime. Now that I've graduated (several years hence), I mistakenly believe that I need to be satisfied with my station and become increasingly disappointed when I'm not. But isn't all of life a learning experience - not just childhood, or adolescence, or college? Humans still grow and change as adults - and to believe that I'm "better" than that, that I should already, at 26, be my best self, is to vastly underestimate (yes, underestimate) myself.
If I am the atheist I claim to be, if I believe there is no God, then what could be "better" than to be human, to experience the human condition?
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