In previous posts I talked about creating eight "daily affirmations" to remind me of the things I believe that I often forget to apply to myself. Today I'd like to share the last two I haven't mentioned.
7. I will be a goddess to myself today. I will be my friend.
8. I deserve to be happy.
As I've mentioned previously, I often treat others better than I treat myself. If a friend came to me saying that she thought she was incapable of being assertive, or that it wasn't worth it to try; if a friend came to me saying that her emotions didn't matter; if a friend came to me saying that she hated who she was or where she was at in her life, I would do everything I could think of to try to convince her otherwise. I would tell her she is capable of assertiveness - it's just hard when you're not used to trying. I would tell her that it is worth striving for happiness, that her emotions do matter. And I would list all the things I love about her. I would remind her of the things she does right and the things she's found success at.
But when it comes to being so kind to myself, I struggle. That's what this affirmation is about - reminding me that I do have the capacity for kindness - I do it for other people all the time - and that it's time I turn a bit of that compassion on myself.
The wording of the first part of that affirmation is more personal, words that mean something to me. (The second part - the I will be my friend - is decidedly universal, regardless of spiritual beliefs.) What I mean by "I will be a goddess" is that I will take on the role of the God of my childhood. Not that I am a god, or think I should be, but that the sorts of things I turned to God to as a child I now have to rely on myself to provide, now that I do not believe in any supernatural deity.
When I was young, I was terrified of thunderstorms. (I still don't like them.) As I got older, I felt embarrassed that I retained this childish fear (an embarrassment initiated by my dad specifically telling me that I was "too old" to still be scared), and so, during one night of thunderstorms in which I could not fall asleep, I tried to logic my fear away.
I realized that my fear of thunderstorms was really a fear of death - that I was afraid it would spawn tornados that would demolish our house and kill me. I further concluded that there was no reason to fear death, because I would surely go to Heaven. I wasn't particularly pleased with the idea of dying at a young age, when there were still so many things I wished to accomplish in my life, but it brought me some comfort to believe that if I were to die young, it would be because of God's plan for me, and that as long as I "tried my best" every day on earth and consistently worked toward my lifelong goals, I had nothing to be ashamed of if I did not complete said goals in time (for how was I to know when I'd live my final day?).
I was able to stop being scared because I knew God was 1) looking out for me, and 2) that he would gladly "forgive me" if I misstepped, or fell short of the standards I held myself to.
Without believing in God, though, I have to find those comforts elsewhere. And that's where I come in. Now, I have to look out for myself (self-advocacy, as I said in a previous post), and be willing to "forgive myself" for falling short (or to convince myself that "There is nothing to forgive.")
This is also what friends do - they look out for each other and they forgive each other - which is why I included the second part of that affirmation. Some days it might be more helpful to think of myself as "acting as my own god" (or goddess, as the case may be); other days it might be more helpful to think of myself as my own friend - whichever way of looking at it gets the message across that I need to be kinder to myself is the one I'll focus on for that particular day, to get me through that particular trial.
8. I deserve to be happy.
The last one, I think, is pretty self-explanatory. No, I will not always be happy, nor should I expect to. But I do not deserve any unhappiness that comes my way, nor should I actively (or passively) prevent myself from being happy just because I believe my happiness isn't worth the effort.
It is worth the effort to take care of myself, to practice self-love.
7. I will be a goddess to myself today. I will be my friend.
8. I deserve to be happy.
As I've mentioned previously, I often treat others better than I treat myself. If a friend came to me saying that she thought she was incapable of being assertive, or that it wasn't worth it to try; if a friend came to me saying that her emotions didn't matter; if a friend came to me saying that she hated who she was or where she was at in her life, I would do everything I could think of to try to convince her otherwise. I would tell her she is capable of assertiveness - it's just hard when you're not used to trying. I would tell her that it is worth striving for happiness, that her emotions do matter. And I would list all the things I love about her. I would remind her of the things she does right and the things she's found success at.
But when it comes to being so kind to myself, I struggle. That's what this affirmation is about - reminding me that I do have the capacity for kindness - I do it for other people all the time - and that it's time I turn a bit of that compassion on myself.
The wording of the first part of that affirmation is more personal, words that mean something to me. (The second part - the I will be my friend - is decidedly universal, regardless of spiritual beliefs.) What I mean by "I will be a goddess" is that I will take on the role of the God of my childhood. Not that I am a god, or think I should be, but that the sorts of things I turned to God to as a child I now have to rely on myself to provide, now that I do not believe in any supernatural deity.
When I was young, I was terrified of thunderstorms. (I still don't like them.) As I got older, I felt embarrassed that I retained this childish fear (an embarrassment initiated by my dad specifically telling me that I was "too old" to still be scared), and so, during one night of thunderstorms in which I could not fall asleep, I tried to logic my fear away.
I realized that my fear of thunderstorms was really a fear of death - that I was afraid it would spawn tornados that would demolish our house and kill me. I further concluded that there was no reason to fear death, because I would surely go to Heaven. I wasn't particularly pleased with the idea of dying at a young age, when there were still so many things I wished to accomplish in my life, but it brought me some comfort to believe that if I were to die young, it would be because of God's plan for me, and that as long as I "tried my best" every day on earth and consistently worked toward my lifelong goals, I had nothing to be ashamed of if I did not complete said goals in time (for how was I to know when I'd live my final day?).
I was able to stop being scared because I knew God was 1) looking out for me, and 2) that he would gladly "forgive me" if I misstepped, or fell short of the standards I held myself to.
Without believing in God, though, I have to find those comforts elsewhere. And that's where I come in. Now, I have to look out for myself (self-advocacy, as I said in a previous post), and be willing to "forgive myself" for falling short (or to convince myself that "There is nothing to forgive.")
This is also what friends do - they look out for each other and they forgive each other - which is why I included the second part of that affirmation. Some days it might be more helpful to think of myself as "acting as my own god" (or goddess, as the case may be); other days it might be more helpful to think of myself as my own friend - whichever way of looking at it gets the message across that I need to be kinder to myself is the one I'll focus on for that particular day, to get me through that particular trial.
8. I deserve to be happy.
The last one, I think, is pretty self-explanatory. No, I will not always be happy, nor should I expect to. But I do not deserve any unhappiness that comes my way, nor should I actively (or passively) prevent myself from being happy just because I believe my happiness isn't worth the effort.
It is worth the effort to take care of myself, to practice self-love.
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